Saturday, February 16, 2008


How does one figure all their vices into what appears to most people to be a godly life? I've seen anointing on my life and God's favor pour down on me, not because I deserve it but because God is faithful even when I'm not. So many people look to me for godly advice and I sincerely seek to know God and be authentic and honest before God.

I have vices though. I don't just slip up sometimes, I actually rebel and do what I want anyway sometimes. I'm addicted to habits and things so bad and all they do is distract my walk with the Lord. I'm stubborn and arrogant often times and I see many places in the Scripture where God used people that were really sinful for His purposes. The fact that God uses you does not make you on right terms with God. That worries me sometimes. I so long to desire more purity and integrity in my walk when no one is looking, but my own self is my worst enemy in this endeavor. An announcement to non-Christians who think that Christians are hypocrites: You're right and I'm one of them. My only hope is that God will convict me and His grace will pour out to such an extent that I'll desire Him more than my vices and my love for Him will overshadow my addictions. I am not satisfied with my current walk which is sometimes apathetic. Pray that I'll want holiness bad enough that my spirit will rise up in strength against my stubborn self which clings to its vices. I have to make some definitive actions and steps to walk in the way I desire to walk.

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