Monday, March 31, 2008

My Confession-I call for accountability

I'm more addicted to fantasy than I am to real life.
I see this because I desire to passively watch a fantasy world in a movie or novel than I do to fully immerse myself in this life, as it is now, resting in all circumstances regardless of how I feel and receiving the grace of God.

I'm addicted to counterfeit pleasures outside of God. Instead of indulging in the goodness of God and receiving His benefits and blessings, I settle almost every day for counterfeits from sexual ones to gluttony to caffeine to laziness and passivity.

Instead of humility, I've settled for self-pity and a victim mentality.
Instead of contentment, I've settled for indulgence sexually, physically and emotionally.
Instead of loving others, I've settled for patronizing for my own ends and my own glory.
Instead of love toward God, I've settled for doing things for God unto my own ends and my own glory.
Instead of taming my selfish nature into submission to my will and my will in submission to my spirit, and my spirit in submission to the Spirit of God, I've fed the appetites of myself, almost everyday.

I am NOT the person people think I am. I am a hypocrite. Many Christians will chastise me now for being so "hard on myself" and condemning myself, but that's not what I'm doing. I'm just being truthful about my nature. I do not condemn myself because my only hope is the Lord and I intend to lay hold of that hope by receiving His grace and love.

Here's my vision and this is what I want to be held accountable to:

I want to be content.
I want to rest only in God and the blessings He gives me.
I want to stop being greedy and indulging my selfish nature.
I want to stop living in a fantasy world (movies and novels) and give myself to the actual life that God's called me to.
I want to fall in love with God and all that God is in love with. I want to love the things His heart loves.
I want to live for His glory and not my own. I am not on the streets for my own glory.
I don't know if this is complete, but it covers some key principles.

Help me. Let me help you. Let's get real and honest and live, truly live.

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