18 March 2008
I actually slept in a parking garage last night. I've never done anything like that before. I haven't found a place yet where I'm confident to hide my sleeping bag during the day, but I'm learning the ropes, that's for sure. I need wisdom though. These guys (such as Kevin) have head-knowledge and good textbook answers, but I don't think he has a very living faith. I think Leo does. The devil tried cornering me theologically with Kevin and tried to get me to doubt my own authenticity. I need wisdom on how to speak truth boldly. It'd be too easy if I just burned time at the library and so on like a lot of these guys do, but I'm here on spiritual pilgrimmage and ministry. Looks like Keith has left town-that was quick.
This is crazy-I am in the Hope Center as we speak to sleep as a homeless man. I read the Scripture in the library today, talked awhile with people. I especially enjoyed eating at Lighthouse with some godly people as well as at a Methodist potluck with some worship afterwords. I've truly enjoyed the moments of familiarity because this is a huge change.
19 March 2008
It's raining like crazy. I just had a TB skin test done. This has been hard, but it's good. Like I said, it's my dream vocation. I still don't really know my role. I feel unsure of myself. I don't talk a whole lot. This is out of comfort zone. I have no money, though I could if I wanted to. But, I'm good. I'm with a good group of guys, out of the rain, and with a full stomach of food. Help me adjust more. I'm truly blessed.
I feel like I'm in a Jesus situation. In the Gospel of John, "Jesus on his part did not entrust himself to them because he knew all people and needed no one to bear witness about man, for he himself knew what was in man." I don't know who to entrust myself to or what to do with myself, but for my part, I won't fear. Prophetic guidance will come, opportunities will present themselves. They will come. I will trust You.
You know, I'm not comfortable because this is not home, but this exposes some problems in me. The middle-class lifestyle I was born into isn't home either. Heaven is home. So, why am I getting so comfortable here? That is, on earth? I should only be comfortable in the will of God. Bring me brokeness.
I walked through a "hurricane" today to reach Consolidated Baptist for lunch and it was a good lunch; it was worth it. The kind people also dried my clothes for me which were sopping wet though I was wearing a poncho. These are highlights of God's kindness through people. Teach me to humbly receive and give me the faith to give the same way Jesus did. Heaven is my home; I have no other. This is my season for now. I'm not concerned about food; there's plenty of it. I just want to find a place of ministry and do the things Jesus did and is doing. Love, peace, self-sacrifice; all unconditional. I don't have to control my destiny-You do. Teach me to love these guys. I have thought less of them. I have worried about being "stuck" with these homeless. Now I am one and I choose to take great pleasure in doing Your will because You love us. It's ok to covet the alone time with You Father, for Jesus did that too, but He did not neglect the masses or His disciples and I can't either. Help me to know how to engage. Here's to You, Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, my family and friends, and the saints, and my companions, the homeless. Remove all partiality on my part-Your love is unequaled and equal to all.