"I go above and beyond for you..."

Audacious Steps

2011-10-26T03:55:00.000-07:00

The people of God will be defined by holy audacity:

1. Audacious humility
2. Audacious boldness
3. Audacious love

We must take audacious steps of courage. It's like cliff-jumping or sky-diving. We get the vision of what we are supposed to do, and then we go do it without giving it a chance to sink into the mind of our flesh and activate fear and resistance to it. I pray for you to lay many audacious and clear steps before us and that You would establish the necessary foundations in our souls to be obedient to them Father.

A Prayer for the True People of God: The Audacity to Never Be Discouraged

2011-07-03T14:12:00.000-07:00

Father,

I believe that we imperfect and hypocritical people will boldly approach Your throne in the name of Jesus whom You gave for us and I have the audacity to believe that the impossible requirements which You require of us You will fulfill in us by Your grace alone. I believe that You will take Your people, weak and imperfect but they trust You, and place them on the narrow path that few ever find (Mt. 7:13-14), and then You will make that narrow path a wide highway under their feet, so that they would not stumble off of it (Ps. 18:36). Thank You LORD, that You do the impossible and actually perfect people for Your kingdom. Thank You that we have only to endure to the end, because those who do will be perfected and saved. When we can do no else, just let us hold on.

Your boy,

Nathan

Two Great Truths of History: God's Inititiative and Practicality

2011-06-22T03:44:00.000-07:00

Two prevalent, but thankfully fading ideas in the church today are ideas along the lines of sheer human initiative and sheer human practicality in getting anywhere (humanism anyone?). Initiative has to do with human decision being supreme and practicality has to do with human effort being supreme. The key words are sheer and supreme, because human decision and effort are out of bounds when they presume to be sheer and supreme. These two assumptions are based on two myths: God does not speak anymore and God does not act anymore (at least not the same way as He did in biblical times).

The two greatest cries of life calling are that God does speak today and God does act today, just as He did in biblical times, yea He speaks and acts through the Scripture in our daily existence. My greatest moments in life were when God went from being the dead God of a "Christian religion" to a living and active God who governs all reality and this happened when God spoke to me and acted around and with me. These are the great calls of my life as a revivalist because when the Church-at-large sees and operates with the God who is alive, and talks and acts with His people right now, spiritual awakening will blanket the whole earth.

Human decision and initiative are involved or else God would not have given these capacities to us in any measure, but these capacities are inherently incomplete without a subordination to and intimate partnership with God's decision and initiative, that is, God's speaking and God's act, and God's Word and God's Spirit. God's decision, speaking and Word are synonymous. And God's initiative, act and Spirit are synonymous. This however, is another deeper discussion for another time.

May We Not Fall

2011-05-23T07:32:00.001-07:00

I say to our heart, "Be careful! There is a real place of danger and a real risk of falling from God's kingdom if we abide in lawlessness. We will never have peace except as we remain at peace with Jesus. As it says in the Scriptures, "'They are a people who go astray in their heart, and they have not known my ways.' Therefore I swore in my wrath, 'They shall not enter my rest (Ps. 95:10-11, ESV).'" What a heavy hand of grace and discipline You carry oh God, to corner us into the perfect inheritance which Jesus secured for His people in the cross, resurrection and ascension! Is it not so good of God to corner us so, in such a way that the choice is simple. Either we receive this grace to fully enter into His kingdom and all of its values, or we turn from it and go the way of destruction. And as the scriptures say, "'Not everyone who says to me, "Lord, Lord," will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. [...]I will declare to them, "I never knew you; depart from me you workers of lawlessness (Matthew 7:21,23 ESV)."'"

We must receive what God says to us now, so that these difficult pronouncements can serve as grace to us, cultivating the pure and clean fear of God in us for our journey towards knowing and being with Him fully in this life. If we do not receive this as a grace now, there's the risk that it will be the pronouncement of God's judgment on us later. Right now is a window of opportunity and grace to respond to God meekly, for He is kind, fair and merciful. Later, His fair judgment will come against all within us which remains wicked that we continue to identify with instead of surrenduring it to death on the cross which Christ calls us to carry like He did. And yet, even when God's judgment comes, it is grace too, for it is hopeful for the great fruit which will come as a result of it. It's only when rebellious people harden their hearts even against God's strict judgment that these words in Matthew 7 become a pronouncement of condemnation for all of those outside of Christ (for in Jesus there is no condemnation). Make no mistake: Now is the time to utterly die to every trace of wickedness and hypocrisy and pretense in our lives. Wickedness will destroy us and this world, if we do not follow Jesus in overcoming wickedness by dying to it and receiving the life of God. Our real identity is in Jesus, so why should we feel offended when He reveals and judges wickedness inside of us that we still identify with? We should thank Him for doing it, even though it hurts for as it says in HEBREWS, He disciplines those He loves.

A Faith of Blood, Sweat and Tears

2011-05-16T14:51:00.000-07:00

Endurance is required of the people of God. The knowledge of God that will explode with light and illumination in the earth and the lives of people with dynamic power will only come by faith-a persevering faith with blood, sweat and tears. It will come when the people of God love the Lord their God with all of their existence by faith-that is, with all of their past, present, future, with all of their thinking, with all of their imagination, with all of their emotions, with all of their thoughts, with all of their decisions, with all that they control, and with all that they cannot control. It will come when people, by faith alone in the grace of God, stop being victimized by wickedness and instead overcome it by the power of God through the name of Jesus and by the active power of God's Spirit invading their entire existence. It will come when people, by a persevering faith of blood, sweat and tears, stop being offended by God and instead meekly receive the implanted word of God, instead of exalting their own understanding against God's understanding. It will come when by faith, through grace alone, they truly surrendur all, spirit, soul and body to God's control.

The knowledge of God will explode with power and illumination on this earth, revealing and giving glory to the name of Jesus, the only name under Heaven given by which people can be saved. Will people embrace salvation and freedom or be offended and reject it, becoming victims of wickedness instead? Who of us will have the courage to persevere, with blood, sweat and tears, into the faith and gospel of God, given once and for all through Jesus, choosing to love God with our whole existence, know God with our whole existence and partner with God and His work with all of our existence?

The glory of God WILL blanket the earth. The whole creation GROANS for the revealing of the sons and daughters of God. We are meant to see and know Him for Who He Is. He beckons us to vision of Him and His throne room. He beckons us to fully love Him. He beckons us to partner with Him. His kingdom, power, rule and authority are at hand. He will take possession without our permission. We must put to death everything in our lives that is in opposition to all that He values. If we have a dirty past that we're ashamed of, it's time to dig it up and humbly present it to Him at His altar, for He's a God of grace who will graciously redeem Your past with time if You'll honestly and candidly bring your past too Him. He'll redeem Your past and use it for His glory. You'll go from darkness to light. Your past that hated God will be turned into a past that gives Him glory and loves Him. He redeems the past, encounters you in the present and secures your future if You'll give it to Him of your own free will. It's time to break up your hard heart and prepare for His to give you righteousness.

Spiritual Emphysema

2011-05-09T18:43:00.000-07:00

So the craziest thing happened tonight, something very atypical for my times of prayer. I was confused about some things and so I said to the LORD, "LORD, I just need to see something." So I closed my eyes, focused, and in my imagination I saw myself hacking, coughing, and with shortness of breath, having trouble breathing. I was not sure what this could mean, although I know that breathing and breath are related to the Holy Spirit (see the original Greek and notice that spirit and breath come from the same word; they are pictured together). And then the words "spiritual emphysema" came to my mind. I was not sure if I was being random or the LORD was trying to speak to me, but I hopped on the internet to look up first "emphysema" and then "spiritual emphysema." Lo and behold, there are actually people online who write about "spiritual emphysema" and I was amazed at what I found! In short, God has shown me some truth this weekend about myself, that I must confront. Just another everyday encounter, where God is speaking through everything!

A Foundation of Investing

2011-04-13T09:21:00.000-07:00

Investment of my finances is something I've been interested in for about 4 years and am only now in a position to start looking into. As a result, I've been thinking and praying for a foundational philosophy to govern my investing, which in essence means I want the guidance of God in all my investing.

Here is what I've arrived at so far: God is one day going to shake every man-made system on earth and nothing man-made will last through it. Only the eternal will last. And we can only produce anything eternal through our heart-level faith in the eternal (namely, God Himself). In the long run, a billion American dollars may not mean a hill of beans. In the long-run, right before God finally establishes His kingdom on earth, all transaction in life, including financial transaction will be based on allegiance, either to the antichrist world ruler coming on the scene or to Jesus, the Anointed One of God. The antichrist system will utilize a universal currency that will restrict any dissenters from transaction. The medium of transaction among God's people will be faith and all that proceeds from it. So, the best that I can do for the long term is to have my heart set and in allegiance to Jesus, wholeheartedly.

However, in the short term, I see a lot of wisdom in financial investment, prayer and careful investment. I believe that most of my investment should be in the forward march of God's kingdom, but some of it should be the short term. I must be able to operate in this world as it is right now and build a strong foundation for the days that are coming, where the dollar and about every other currency will be meaningless for those who follow God.

When Life feels like Hell

2011-04-12T15:32:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who has had it difficult for much of his life and I have watched circumstance after circumstance knock him down over the past couple years that I have known him. I have come to realize that he is likely mad at God. He won't go out and say it or admit it, but it seems obvious to me. I think he's holding a lot of bitterness against God and life in general. So, one can imagine the conversations we have about the difficulties of life and God's involvement (or lack thereof) in them. The problem with my friend's mindset is that He thinks God is responsible for his bad circumstances when actually, many of them are his own doing! I shared with him once the following: "__________, God is not ignoring evil, suffering, and difficulties in your life. He gave the answer to the presence of evil and suffering already. The answer is Jesus. Jesus spent His whole life overcoming and defeating evil in his day-to-day living and then in an ultimate sense in His death and resurrection. In addition, Jesus gave us the way to daily overcome evil and to ultimately overcome evil as well and it is by placing our trust in Him and following His example." In other words, if God has defeated evil, what remains? What remains is for you and I to put our faith in God and His way, and to overcome evil by His power, because He secured the victory. We have the option everyday to overcome the evil around us, or to be overcome by it and this is exactly what is happening to my friend. Instead of overcoming the evil, which he would have the power to do by believing God, he is being overcome by evil. No wonder his circumstances are overwhelming. Again, there are only two choices: overcome evil, or be overcome by evil. The ultimate victory is playing out before our eyes as we follow in Jesus' footsteps because He is the ultimate victor. Instead, my friend chooses to believe that God is responsible for the evil in his life and the resulting misery. I received a bit of profound and simple understanding today pertaining to his situation and it's actually really simple: Just believe that God wants your happiness and in fact, he wants it more than you want it! I may share it with him, because if he can just begin to see that God is not the source of evil, but of good and of happiness, maybe he'll stop blaming God and he'll man up and overcome evil in his life. Holiness, morality and purity are never divorced from happiness or the rest of life or they cease to be! Everything good about God is so full of profound and overwhelming power, joy and dynamic life! God does not just desire us to "be good." He wants our happiness!

Personal Legend and Destiny

2011-04-04T14:11:00.000-07:00

God is bringing a brand new expression of Christianity to the earth that is rooted in the ancient; another time, another age. The God of Israel is exalting Himself over all nations once again. The day is coming when the nations will flock to Zion because the wellspring of all life and wisdom resides their and we'll turn to the completed Jews who have received Yeshua as their Messiah and we will ask them to teach us His ways. God is raising up John the Baptist and Elijah like people who will walk in the capacity of the Spirit of God who prepares the way of the LORD. They will prepare the earth and God's Church for Yeshua's second coming. They will preach and proclaim a message that brings DIVISION to the earth, because what they say will be like a sword cutting between spirit and soul, making all things black and white; plain, so that they will be seen for what they are. By the word of God preceding from their mouths, they will raise high the valleys and make low the mountains to prepare a highway for our God and coming king who will arrive on a white horse to conquer the nations and establish the kingdom of God on earth. His name is Yeshua. The demonstration of the word of God through them will divide between the wheat and the chaff, the lamb and goat. Signs and wonders in the heavens above and the earth below are coming, apostles and prophets are being raised up across the earth and a sleeping church is starting to awaken and prepare for a day of reckoning on the earth. A sleeping church will be raised up into God's prevailing and victorious church. The winds of awakening and revival are beginning to blow. The dividing word of God which is coming will bring in great revival and apostasy as it divides between wheat and chaff, making plain who is God's and who is not. Foundations must be established and the message of His imminent coming proclaimed. The Church must return to its apostolic and prophetic foundations (Eph. 2:20). The Church must come to a full embrace of the whole council of God in His Word, eating and consuming the Book He's given us, and embodying us. We must allow the Spirit of God to actively and intimately weave the Word into our DNA. We need to encounter God's Spirit of wisdom and revelation that wisdom and revelation would characterize our spirits as we abide in intimate relationship with Him. We must contend and prepare to receive fresh infilling of His holy Spirit. We must position our hearts before God to receive what His Spirit is saying to us right now. We must be ready for what is coming.

Not Nathan's Way, God's Way (Only One, Pt. 2)

2011-03-27T08:06:00.000-07:00

This has been a years-long epiphany to me and there are so many people I want to shake and wake up with this, but that's something that only the Spirit of God can do. I mentioned a coworker in the previous entry who seems to epitomize many of the attitudes that I see many people in the world carry, but this coworker refuses to see what I'm trying to say. This coworker and another person I once talked with both said the same thing when I started talking about Jesus. Both accused me of self-righteousness and said, "How can your way be the only way?" In addition they added that they believe in God or Jesus in their own way. They have their own way to practice faith. I wanted to slap them awake so bad, not in anger or bitterness to hurt them, but it's like I wanted them to see what they were really saying, because I cannot count the number of times I have explicitly told them that I have no self-righteousness in and of myself, that only Jesus is self-righteous and that "Nathan's way" of practicing faith will lead me to hell just as much as their way of practicing faith will lead them to hell. IT'S NOT ABOUT FINDING OUR OWN WAY TO GOD, PEOPLE. WE CANNOT CREATE A WAY TO GOD. MY GOAL IS NOT TO FIND MY WAY BUT TO PUT "NATHAN'S WAY OF UNDERSTANDING GOD" IN THE GRAVE, NEVER TO RETURN. "NATHAN'S WAY" NEEDS TO DIE. THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO GOD AND IT CAN ONLY BE FOUND WHEN ALL OF US PUT OUR SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS IN THE GRAVE FOREVER AND DIE TO IT SO THAT WE CAN HAVE JESUS' WAY! I do not know how I can say it more explicitly. I just want to trumpet this truth to the world somehow.

Only One

2011-03-26T17:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, especially recently, I get tied up in analyzing everything including God. I start to wrestle with and grapple with all the idiosyncracies and inconsistencies of life and become overwhelmed by them. I start to get angry at everyone, including God and especially at myself for being so overly analytical. I get so angery at God for being so big and inconcievable that He does not even seem to make sense. Nothing in the world makes sense. It's in these moments that I begin to see that I'm thinking of life the wrong way.

I started to learn long ago that I'm not supposed to go through life analyzing and figuring everything out. I'm supposed to enjoy my life and enjoy my God intimately. God relates to us in relationship. "When I applied my heart to know wisdom, and to see the business that is done on earth, how neither day nor night do one's eyes see sleep, then I saw all the work of God, that man cannot find out the work that is done under the sun. However much man may toil in seeking, he will not find it out. Even though a wise man claims to know, he cannot find it out" (Eccl. 8:16-17).

Another, but related subject is thus: many of us do think we can figure it out. In fact, I think that all of us are fulled by the delusion that we can figure life and God out. I know that I have repeatedly done that. Man-made religions are our answer to a mysterious God whom we cannot contain, but desperately want to contain. When we believe that, we give ourselves to the ultimate self-righteousness, where we believe that we can just practice "faith" our way or do life our way and get somewhere. As an example, I questioned a coworker about his practice of faith today and he told me what he has always told me: "Nathan, everyone has their own way of practicing faith." And I told him the same thing that I always tell him, "_______, You are right that everyone practices their own way to faith and that is the problem because all of our ways will lead us to eternal separation from God. Nathan's way is going to lead him to hell, just like yours will lead you to hell." And I again pointed to the one way God provided: His own way. Not Nathan's way, not Billy Graham's way, not the evangelical Christian's way, but only one way and that way is Jesus. My opinions about Jesus will not get me to heaven, my practice of religion will not get me to heaven, but only a living and vibrant faith in a Man named Jesus. Jesus is the only Man in history to do it right. Only He can claim true "self-righteousness." And he said that to be in eternal life is to know Him.

This almost brings me full-circle to what I journaled about above, because analyzing God will get me nowhere. I need to return to being in love again. I need to return to having intimate fellowship and transaction with Jesus. He is the only way. As far as how you practice your life, faith and religion, that amounts to a hill of beans to me. But to for me, TO LIVE IS CHRIST. Are you intimate with Jesus, the One in whom God became a person and wore our flesh?

Great Disruption of Our Lives

2011-03-20T07:27:00.000-07:00

Father,

I'm so afraid, but You command me not to fear. I come to Your name boldly and with confidence. Show me what it is to overcome and to have the downpayment of that in my soul-mind, will and emotions. I must have your sustenance. Otherwise, I will not stand in the day of the LORD. Where is the patience of Christ? Where is the confidence of Christ? Where are the fruits of righteousness? Where are the fruits of faith? Where is the grace of God? You are good and full of mercy! You are good and full of mercy! You are good and full of mercy! The day of Your wrath comes slowly, for You are slow to anger! Your are patient, that we might repent! Your anger is but for a moment, but Your mercy endures forever. You show Your favor to us and sometimes rebuke. I shall not walk in hopelessness or fear! Father, in the name of Jesus deliver me from a spirit of mockery toward Your coming. Break my agreement with it and fill me with Your Spirit of expectancy, sustained by Your fury and Your joy over me! I do not feel that I can hold on any longer now! What about in that day? You will ultimately disrupt our lives and You will not ask permission. Something in our spirits says, "Our American dream and way of life is the way it ought to be and it cannot be taken from us. It is not right that our comfort and peace and way of life be taken from us. Surely God will not disrupt all that we hold dear and the incredible peace we feel right now."

Father, you have declared war on this selfish mindset that has no root in truth and yet our souls are in agreement with it. Disruption is coming and a new kingdom is coming. It's coming with force. We can either be ready to receive the coming kingdom with open arms, or we can be in denial now and be caught off guard when it breaks in. You have told us that the only worthy work which we can do in this life is to believe on Your Son, Jesus. All of the other emotions, mindsets, choices and actions which we live in based on any other premise are ill-placed in something that is only dust which will be blown away with the coming of God's kingdom by force. Any other work other than the work of believing Jesus and all of who He is as expressed in the Bible (that is, placing faith in it) is a waste of time with no lasting value.

Father, will you sustain our hearts? We do not have what it takes and we are not ready. Can we depend on the great anointing which we believe is coming? Can we depend on Your promise that those who want righteousness will fully mature into it? Can we respond confidently in the fear of the LORD as You intend that we might know only one comfort, the comfort of Your holy Spirit? Any other comfort is a false comfort, a salve and a band-aid that only covers a deep wound which Your Spirit alone can apply healing to. We, Your remnant do not cop-out of this life You have placed us in. We do not turn back in fear. Did Jesus turn back in fear? We do not accuse You of injustice in Your anger. We do not hold offense at Your words, for You are justified in Your words, Your rebukes, and Your judgments. Without holiness, no man shall see the LORD. We come confidently believing that You will fulfill in us what You are requiring of us. We eat the "bitter-tasting scroll." We receive the harsh words of Your prophets and we build our foundation on Your words, with Christ as our Cornerstone. We refuse the temptation of offense, but we will rejoice in righteousness.

Our only hope remains Jesus. Oh, that we would align our thinking with Jesus' thinking (read the Bible), and align the emotions of our heart with Your emotions (praying the Bible and receiving Your emotions what You have revealed through Your Word), and align our choices totally with the choices Jesus made in His relationship with You. May our work, our play, our preparation, our relationships, our obedience, our submission, our thoughts, and our ways of conducting our lives be completely aligned with You. We argue that we cannot do it, but You have vowed that You will do this in the remnant of people who fully commit their hearts to You. You are determined and able and You will do this.

2011-01-16T12:30:00.000-08:00

I'm so thankful for the many people the LORD has blessed me with and the many friends who wished me a happy birthday. People just recognizing and saying those words makes the day so special. I had the chance to do what I wanted to do most on my birthday and be a recluse (after work that day anyway)! Much needed rest was in order and I have enjoyed the opportunity to have it.

I have spent a couple of days this weekend on a "stay-cation", house-sitting for some friends who often call on me to do so, and it was so funny. I was restless, and wondering, what to do this morning after sleeping in. I was having trouble "figuring out" how to rest! I could not pray, I could not enjoy reading my Bible, and I just could not figure out how to get relaxed, so I finally did what rarely ever fails. I went on a run on that heavenly loop of 3 miles with a golf course on one side and a lake on the other. About halfway through the loop, God started speaking to me and giving me a prayer to pray today. I said to God, "You are a genius, LORD. You would not let me relax and just be with you until I stopped trying to be religious. And then, the moment I start running, You start coming to me and speaking, giving me Your thoughts and Your desires!" Running has been a gift from God over the past 7 years. It has not always been so. There was a time that I hated running, but I had always heard that if you keep doing it, you would cross a threshold and it would become refreshing. Running now energizes me. It's an exuberant activity and maybe that is why I connect with God in it; I have always encountered God exuberantly. That may be one of the primary facets of God's character that I have been attracted to for the past decade of relationship with Him. Running puts my mind, my soul and my spirit in a posture where I can hear what God is saying and receive joy and life from Him. The flavor of fullness of life for me and the flavor of encounter with God that has meant the most to me has been "exuberant." Running was exuberant rest today, and the LORD was delighting me so much, that I ran the circle twice (for about 6 miles) to see what else He might say to me.
Anyway, He only said that one thing this morning and it was only about a 5 minute prayer, but it precipitated in my mind to an idea that I may yet act on. It was refreshing.

Why did the LORD do this for me this morning? Why is He so kind? I'm no different than anyone else on earth. I get bored with His Word and prayer. I'm not disciplined about doing them. I have other gods in my life, just like everybody else does. Sometimes its sex, sometimes its food, sometimes its music. Sometimes my god is what other people think of me, or all my friendships. I'm easily a full-throttle hypocrite at times. I mean, I watched a video today about the Song of Solomon today and God is easily the expert on pleasurable and adventurous (or exuberant?) sex if you read that book. But all of my life gets out of kilter when sex becomes my god, and yet I still do it and do not know how to escape (truly working on that one though). But, back to my question-Why is God so kind to me? God is kind because it's His character to be kind. It's who He is. His gentleness and kindness are what draw me in and help me to turn from my sins.

God always meets me in the ways that I least expect. When I try to be religious and do religious things, it's like the presence of God runs away from me. Then, I go out running and all of a sudden the Spirit of God rushes up to me and speaks (and I've done nothing to deserve it). Another good example was when I went out west to hunt antelope with my dad last year. We had planned this trip for 2 years and I felt like God wanted us to do it. So, we went to Kansas City to visit the International House of Prayer first, and then we went hunting out west. After the trip, when we got back to Chicago and prepared to part ways, I had a sense of something that I had not thought of. We were about a half-hour from our split-up point and I realized that I had two days before I had to be back in town for work. I realized that I was not ready to be done yet and I wanted to do something spontaneous, that I rarely get to do. So, when we reached the gas station and split up, with dad driving off, I just stayed there, thinking and praying for about 45 minutes about my options and I finally received a sense of all God wanted me to do for those 2 days. I had thought about going to the inner city of Chicago to minister and hang out with the homeless, but what I felt the LORD had me settle on was this and it was unexpected to me for one of my "religious" mindset: go to Cincinatti and get a motel for 2 nights, and go to King's Island on Saturday. I felt more of the LORD's pleasure and peace on that than on anything else, so that's exactly what I did. I had hours of time to read and pray in that motel room and I had a blast for the day at King's Island. God even came to me and taught me a very important lesson through this sort of sky-diving simulation thing. I journaled about it later and I also found a vision from a journal from 2 years ago revitalized. It was truly spiritual time.

So I have rested and enjoyed my exuberant God this weekend and that leads me to something that I've needed to say and just hadn't thought of until today, since some of my facebook readers will be reading this. There are some of you, though not all that have expressed frustration when people do not talk to them on facebook or online. Some of you are offended and assume a lot of stuff that is not true when people do not talk to you. I'm quite aware of this because I'm one of those people that does not respond to a lot of messages online and I want you to know that the reason is not that I want to ignore you or that I'm angry with you or even indifferent towards you. I just do not do the online communication or chatting thing very often. I'm sure that this may be the case with many others to. I may occasionally say something, but I just do not like communicating online very much. I'd much rather be face-to-face. Nor do I have the time to maintain a huge presence online. Nor am I going to seek to maintain one. This is not a priority for me and I do not think it needs to be a priority for me. I just do not want anyone to take personally my neglect toward online relationships. I believe that I need to focus primarily on those I'm around everyday in my immediate sphere because that is where God has placed me and I simply do not have time for more. I wish I did, but I do not. God has emphasized the need to me to be very careful with my time, to get rest and to be willing to say "No." a little more often, and so I need to do that. I've almost canceled my facebook a few times, but I'm not sure that is what I need to do.

If anyone needs to talk or be in touch, call my phone number. If I cannot talk to right then, leave a message and I'll return your call. This is the easiest way to stay in touch with me.

Until next time,

Nathan

First Update in over a Year!

2010-11-29T07:55:00.000-08:00

I've been having the time of my life, constantly down here. It never ends but I'm a fan of fully immersing myself right where I am and so that's what I seek to do. I do not like to get distracted with a lot of outside stuff.

As you know, I've been working at this furniture gallery called Oak Factory for almost two years now. God has really blessed me at this job through the difficult and also financially. I have enjoyed mostly delivering furniture and also working in the store on furniture assembly, repair (which I'm quite bad at), and other warehouse work. It's neat too because I knew the owners of Oak Factory before I knew of the store itself from my church. They're a wonderful family (pretty well-known throughout central KY for their commercials which feature their two kids) who have had this store and grown it for almost 20 years now. They've "adopted" me as well and so I spend a fair amount of time with them outside of work on occasion. The kids are always wanting me to spend the night and I always house-sit for them when they go out of town, particularly for three weeks last year when they went to Europe. It's a really nice getaway for me as they live on a lake and golf course which are gorgeous! I enjoy a lot of time alone with the LORD out there and they have a beautiful three mile loop that is my favorite place to run. They have been a huge blessing. The job has not been without its challenges though. The warehouse is a totally different kind of atmosphere and working in it with difficult people at times has stretched me to the limit some days. It's taken 1.5 years, but I'm finally beginning to feel comfortable there. The guys understand me now and know how to get along with me. A real milestone: some of them will actually receive my hugs now! I have learned a lot about operating there and being a testimony there. I sure cannot shove anything down anybody's throat. I have to spend a lot of time listening and understanding instead of "preaching." I have had to have a lot of patience. It's perfect for me right now though. I know that God is ruining my witness for "me" and raising up a witness which brings Him glory in that warehouse! I've enjoyed tremendous favor in the bad economy when cut-backs were made and I barely missed being laid-off. I stand amazed. Of course, Dad and I were able to take this trip out west which we had talked about for 2 years! It was about time and it was a total blast. I look forward to more future opportunities like that.

I have been active in the mentoring of teenagers and in my social life. The reason that I include the two together is because they connect so much. Spending time with people and being open to whatever God wants to do is what I do for fun. It's different people almost every week, some in formal contexts and others in informal contexts. We've dealt with all sorts of real life issues, but all the same, it's refreshing. One of the more formal groups is a small group of high school guys who meet at a friend's house. I help lead this group and it's been a huge challenge and blessing to all of us. I've built some great relationships and enjoyed these guys immensely! I have even made it a habit to eat lunch with them at school once a week on my day off from work. Other than that, I spend some time with needy people who need friends and need empowering. My favorite though is real fellowship with other Christians. That's where a lot of love and strength flows. Particularly, I continue to enjoy my fellowship with the 2 friends I've been meeting and praying with for four years now: Derek and Anna. My time since the streets in 2008 has been primarily focused on growing in the LORD with them corporately and individually, doing life together and casting vision. They were the primary thing that God told me to focus on when I left the streets and that continues. We continue to learn and grow a lot together. The LORD speaks so much to us and reveals so much to us, but at this point mostly for our own benefit and perseverance, because what we are to do with it eludes us at this point. We have some concrete ideas, but timing is everything in this process. I'm almost certain that future ministry will come forth from this "spiritual covenant" we're in, but until then, we keep fellowshipping, praying and maturing in our spirits.

I continue to follow International House of Prayer from a distance (and even got to take my parents there in Kansas City back in October) and I'm involved in a local house of prayer from time-to-time called Cornerstone International House of Prayer. There is no greater place to be than the place of prayer. The LORD always brings such incredible dynamics into that place. I need to spend more time there and it's so hard because of my schedule. You can pray for me to have the grace to step into that place of prayer more! God has been gracing me with more scripture-memorization-a powerful tool in His hand and I have enjoyed a lot of reading lately as well-stuff pertaining to the books of Daniel and Revelation, also the book of Zechariah. I've been studying and pondering words important to future calling and reading books pertaining to that. Ha-I've been enjoying David Copperfield by Charles Dickens too (have to have the occasional novel). It's fun. Time moves much too quick, but at least I'm having fun.

It's a full life! I'm having the time of my life! I pray that I can stay humble, teachable and in love with the LORD. I've found such satisfaction especially in the mentoring of teens and in the time with God. I'm trying to think if there is anything else and I cannot. Updates have not been my forte in a couple of years, but I suppose I'm long overdue for one! Let me know if you have any questions; I'd be glad to tell you more, but I just covered it broadly here.

Violently Standing on God's Promises and Taking the Kingdom by Force

2010-04-16T04:25:00.000-07:00

God have mercy, I barely practice this truth. I have experienced it just a little bit though. God, have mercy and grant that we, the Church could walk as those who KNOW what You've done for us and so we respond by laying hold of the Kingdom by force, violently standing on Your promises which You've given. There is a place of spiritual violence. It is NOT violence against people or Your creation, but it is violence in the spiritual realm against principalities and powers that seek to seize away the seed of God's Word, His promises to His people. This is the place of spiritual warfare: the spiritual realm. It demands a spiritual tenacity that certainly does not come naturally to me. God, we must receive Your grace to walk in such a way.

I have experienced this most in the resistance of sin where I have had to be violent in my prayer life and violent in my leaning on God and His ability when everything in me wants to try hard by my own might and power. "Not by might, not by power, but by my Spirit, says the LORD." I have had to be violent against the spirit of damnation that always tries to seize my faith in God's grace away and base my status with God on my works. I have learned to be a little violent in some areas. How I long, as one who in his life has been more naturally timid and insecure, to be one who stands as a restful warrior in the spiritual. Anyone who learns how to stand in their spirit on God's promises, I guarantee you will see a natural consequence of authority and poise in their living before the world. And we must enter in to this. We must become fighters in these days. We must stand because a turbulence is coming to the earth that will shake everybody's confidence that is not grounded in an unshakable foundation.

The Foundation of Love

2010-01-23T21:41:00.001-08:00

God, what will it take to reinforce the truth to me? I keep trying to be a doer instead of getting the foundations correct. The foundation is love. The foundation is rest and believing Jesus. The foundation is faith which is received. If I could just KNOW that and stop succumbing to the temptation to DO because “it’s expected of me” or something. I don’t live out of obligation. On the contrary, I want to have sweet expectation of what YOU will do, and not me. In the moment that I do something, I’ll know and it will flow freely as a consequence and result of my faith. I want to get this right Jesus, and not waste my life. You go above and beyond towards me, and I can best go above and beyond towards you by RECEIVING Your good gifts. You’ve told me over and over. I feel spiritually right now like I did yesterday with the furniture I scratched up when I delivered it. I’m told not to be too hard on myself, but I think, “How else will I learn?” It was a stupid mistake that I knew better about, and the same here.

Where does the power of consistency come from? I do not seem to walk in it very well at all.

My Thorns-A Wise Reponse in Humility

2010-01-08T05:35:00.001-08:00

The song I'm about to post the lyrics to explains the whole concept of thorns as figurative terminology (taken from Scripture) for those weaknesses we have which plague us. Nobody is without them. We usually seek to play on our strengths, and hide our weakness. I have many myself. My whole life, my first reaction toward my moments of weakness has been discouragement and giving up. At one point in my life, I thought it pleased God for me to be so hard on myself, and now I know different, although I have still been tempted to slip into that. It brings God no glory for us to rip ourselves apart.

I asked the Lord for the zillionth time yesterday about how to steward myself when I go through a season of consciousness regarding my weaknesses because I have come to realize that it will never go away forever on this side of Heaven. God told me for about the zillionth time since I've asked Him, "Nathan, do not beat yourself down and do not try to conjure up some great feeling of joy that isn't there. Avoid those extremes, and just allow the pain of it to humble you. That's all it's meant to do." When we allow these things that are like thorns in our side to humble us, great joy does result and they become like a gift from God.

Bitter thoughts became your every waking breath
Save the nights your hollow dreams revealed the sweet release of death
In your thoughts you played a symphony of self
But your soul had bled a darker song of close to nothing left

Oh, The deliverance of blade and flame, your love
And greater is the blood

You’ll find it in the veil of night where solitude is born
In the emptiness of broken flesh, at the mercy of the thorns
You’ll find it in the veil of night where solitude is born
In the emptiness of broken flesh, at the mercy of the thorns

Every line a path into an empty heart
Where the words of now forgotten love fall silent in the dark

Oh, The deliverance of blade and flame, your love
And greater is the blood

You’ll find it in the veil of night where solitude is born
In the emptiness of broken flesh, at the mercy of the thorns
You’ll find it in the veil of night where solitude is born
In the emptiness of broken flesh, at the mercy of the thorns

Sister, don’t you sleep through your own eulogy
Don’t sever what you are for what you couldn’t be

You’ll find it in the veil of night where solitude is born
In the emptiness of broken flesh, at the mercy of the thorns
You’ll find it in the veil of night where solitude is born
In the emptiness of broken flesh, at the mercy of the thorns

You’ll find it in the veil of night where solitude is born
In the emptiness of broken flesh, at the mercy of the thorns
You’ll find it in the veil of night where solitude is born
In the emptiness of broken flesh, at the mercy of the thorns

Covenant

2010-01-03T07:07:00.000-08:00

Covenant is a word that we are not often accustomed to these days, but it's a word which we must recover for the good of all. Covenant lies central to reality and true living. We do not conceive of this very much. Most of us conduct our lives in such a way that though we do not perceive this, because it lies at the fundamental level of our being and as such is in the subconscious since most of us are not sensitive to the level out of which we "be" in life. But, at this fundamental level for most of us is selfishness and really for all of us this is true, though a few find the way out of this destructive mode of living which is based on a fundamental lie. We live for our happiness and we arrogantly think that we are good and therefore somebody owes us something in life. Most of us go through our lives trying to get what we are "owed" whether we pursue it from God or from other people. Some of us pursue it by doing lots of good things for the world to better humanity and make a difference, but this selfishness still lies at the base of it, undetected by the common man.

In reality, life is a gift to us to enjoy, yes, but it's a TRUST. This life is a trust. We are owed nothing and actually we are all born into a great debt that we can never possibly pay back. The fact remains that this life is a trust. The hand of God is extended to all with a covenant, a contract of sorts that we can choose to take or not. This life is a trust, to see what we'll do with it. This is humbling and sucks the life out of our selfishness when it goes beyond just a good idea that I'm blogging about right now and becomes that foundational thing that actually sinks in to the level of my being. It enters my spirit and becomes that foundational truth that I must live by. This is when we know that God's truth has become our truth; it's when we can say that it's the imperceptible foundational truth that we literally find our "being" in. That's when the word has become flesh in the manner that the word became flesh in Jesus and continue to become flesh in Jesus (see the gospel of John, chapter 1).

See, thinking of Jesus as our Savior exclusively is dangerous. It's true that He is, but that is not the entire gospel of God. Jesus in the intermediary of a covenant and trust that God extends, and when we willingly come into that covenant, there are terms.

I came to realize this last night, when I came home after a meeting with the two I often talk about whom God has called me into covenant with. Through covenant with them, God teaches me about covenant with Him. I was feeling begrudging about the meeting because of the plans I had for last night and this weekend, but the meeting was of greater necessity. I caught myself at the door of the house I was staying at and realized, "Nathan, you have made a covenant. How dare you begrudge in this situation, when you voluntarily made a covenant to these two people and all that you are called to together." And in that moment, God taught me about covenant with Him and entering into all that I am called to enter into in the Scripture. If I have chosen covenant with God, then I am coming to Him on His terms, laid out in Scripture. Perhaps one way to voice the essence of God's terms is thus, at least as I understand them right now: In My [God's] covenant (trust, or contract), you are called in this life to be holy and perfect as I am holy and perfect by My ability, strength and grace and not by your own ability [because it's impossible] through your exercise of faith. That is one way to voice the essence of God's call to us, though it is not comprehensive or complete and it's not the only way to voice it. God calls us to faith in Christ as our savior and what is He saving us to? A life where we become like God in the context of relationship with God through God's ability alone as we live by faith alone. God is just asking for us to say yes to His ways and His plan and His terms. He provides the energy and ability to do it and the means is our faith in Him, which we can only get from Him too!

Covenant needs to come not only into our vocabulary, but into our experience, our being and our spirits again. We need to feel covenant in our bones and we need to choose covenant with God again.

High Calling, High Destiny, High Stakes

2009-12-03T09:33:00.000-08:00

High calling, high destiny, high stakes, life and death, ultimate. Do not settle for less than fullness. Do not cut the blood of Jesus short. Do not cut yourself short. Refuse that lie and call it what it is: Unbelief, Faithlessness. To lessen the high call of God is to call the blood shed for us insufficient. To settle for a gospel only of forgiveness and to sell the true word, proclamation and good news of God over the earth short is not the Gospel. It is faithlessness. It is unbelief. To lower the standard to a place where human flesh alone can reach it is faithlessness and leads to the lie of pride which says, "See, I can do it." But it's a lie because you did not do IT. You invented a new goal and reached it, selling yourself short of the true goal, the Gospel of God. A Gospel of full redemption, healing, holiness, consecration, and sanctification. A Gospel which established and consummates the kingdom of God in our tangible, literal reality here on earth. Instead of selling yourself short, look to Truth, the Truth which says:

"¹² Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. ¹³ Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, ¹⁴ I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Phil. 3:12-14 NKJV)."

^"2 Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. ³ And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure (1 John 3:2-4 NKJV)."

"And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work (2 Cor. 9:8 NKJV)."

"being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; (Phil. 1:6 NKJV)"

His grace is not a "grace" which leads to lawlessness and more sin. It is not a grace that allows one to pray a prayer of salvation one time and to never WALK with God. It is grace for a journey and pilgrimage to fullness. It is a grace to at every moment, no matter what you have done, decide in your spirit that you will not remember what lies behind, but will press on to what's ahead toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of Jesus. It's a grace that looks to Jesus expectantly to purify us as He is pure.

It is the grace which says, ""If you love me, you will obey what I command (John 14:15 NKJV).", and also says, "¹ My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. ² And He Himself is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the whole world [no exceptions] (1 Jn. 2:1-2)". It is a grace which moment-by-moment says "I will not sin because I love him" and also says, "But if I do sin, I do not dare reproach or condemn myself, because that sells the blood of Jesus short in forgiving me. I dare not spurn the command of God through inner rationale or the forgiveness of God when I transgress the command.

" Be warned, God knows your inner thoughts and says through the apostle Paul, "But if our unrighteousness demonstrates the righteousness of God, what shall we say? Is God unjust who inflicts wrath? (I speak as a man.) ⁶ Certainly not! For then how will God judge the world? ⁷ For if the truth of God has increased through my life to His glory, why am I also still judged as a sinner? ⁸ And why not say, “Let us do evil that good may come”?—as we are slanderously reported and as some affirm that we say. Their condemnation is just [no exception] (Romans 3:5-8)."

The result of the hidden rationale that says, "I will sin because God will forgive me anyway" spurns the command of God and results in condemnation. God's mercy and forgiveness is for those that esteem His command, love His command, keep His command and fear Him. But if you transgress His command, do not spurn His forgiveness and give up. Pick up! Run the race! Keep the faith! Forget what lies behind and press on to what's ahead in the upward call of Jesus!

High Calling, High Destiny, High Stakes! Do not be content with less than fullness! God is waiting, the earth is waiting, literally, the whole cosmos is waiting, even the rocks and plants and animals are waiting for the revealing of the sons of God! Become, through grace by faith alone, a revealed son of God through the adoption God has commanded through His Son, Yeshua, the simple Jewish Messiah. Now, and not later! Come all who are weary! He will give you rest. His yoke is easy and His burden is light! He is a Father! He is a Bridegroom! Come!

Meet my friend, “Suffering.”

2009-11-17T16:00:00.001-08:00

Let me qualify something. I do not know if “friend” is the best word for suffering, but I do know this: “To the pure all things are pure…” (Titus 1:15 NKJV). All those who are godly will suffer and we rejoice in persecution for Christ’s sake. We count it an honor to complete the sufferings of Christ in our bodies.

God is granting me the great blessing of finally beginning to understand this a little bit. Experience has a way of making the deepest of concepts very real and interpreting them to us. Only because of experience do I now understand what Thomas Dubay says when he states in his book Fire Within, “We ought not to view the relationship [of suffering and growth in prayer] as extrinsic,; that is, as though suffering is a ticket that admits to prayer but without inner causality. On the contrary, suffering borne with much love and in union with Christ crucified purifies and renews.” One will never find freedom to suffer if they continue thinking that it is an extrinsic, outward imposition from God onto us as a requirement that “buys” us something. It is only when one truly sees the actual effect that suffering can have on the soul surrendered to God internally as an experienced reality, that one embraces the suffering of Jesus. Suffering is not some imposed requirement. The effect that suffering has on one who is surrendered to God is a law, the same way that gravity is a natural law. It’s a spiritual principle. When one has “A” (such as surrender to God) and experiences the catalyst of “B” (such as suffering), fruit actually results. Suffering has a profound effect on such a person. The effect actually takes place in the spirit of a person, at the base of their being, at the very foundation of their life. It happens on the level of conviction and so affects our thinking. Our thinking is necessarily affected by our most basic convictions, and so when a person through faith in God undergoes trials, God purifies, refines, and builds the most basic fundamental convictions of that person. At this level, suffering relates to prayer and spiritual growth.

I have begun to find a small measure of joy in the very small measure of suffering which God has granted me with. I have not experienced the suffering that many in this world have, but I know that the small amount of suffering I have experienced will profoundly affect and train my spirit in such a way that I will be ready for more when it comes. War is coming. Much testing is coming. May God grant the school of hard knocks, the school of suffering by His grace to the Church now, even in small measure, that they would be prepared to be a people of foundation in the midst of cosmos-level turbulence.

Awakening

2009-11-02T14:19:00.000-08:00

Am I pretending? Have I lost all vision, or is this just a season where some dryness has hit? Have I walked outside of your word, oh God. How I ask for you to direct me? Am I just pretending, or am I missing it? Where do I go from here? You know my heart to obey You! It's there, I know it is! Do not allow me to miss it. "The call is to die." You have told me this repeatedly. "Be available and listen." I heard this last week. I have experienced much contentment, even in the current season, but today feels aimless and like a sick cycle carousel going nowhere. I feel like I'm going through the motions. I want to go somewhere with You. I know that vision resides somewhere in me. I believe it's in my heart of hearts, where the Spirit of God resides through faith. But, in my mind there seems to be no clarity beyond general "pie in the sky" dreams. I do not mean "pie in the sky" as in "impossible," and lofty, but just that they do not have any practicality attached to them yet. I'm still looking for your prophetic promises to me.

Word from the Journey 2.3

2009-10-10T03:58:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

Updates are hard for me to continue, though I imagine that I will and it's because there's so much for me to give myself to in life and sitting at a computer typing an email doesn't seem like a great way to spend my time. However, when I connect it in my mind with communication to those dear to me, it's a little easier to justify.

It's also difficult to do because I am in a confusing season right now where not a whole lot is really clear to me. I'm seeing this as a spiritual trend right now in the lives of many around me. It's interesting what God is letting His Church go through internally right now. Perhaps this is not the best place to write from, but here I am.

I. Recent Happenings
II. The First and Second Commandment
III. Our Corporate Covenant and Fellowship
IV. Other Lessons and News

Some recent happenings:

Our trip to China was canceled due to the H1N1 virus. Every case in China came from an American, so China won't let us in. This did not really disappoint me, since I was beginning to expect this in June. The final word served as closure to me and also opened an opportunity for God to do a financial miracle for somebody else. Here's the story in short:

A kid from the youth group at my church fellowship, Church of the Savior, headed on a mission trip with the youth group to Puerto Rico about 2 weeks ago. One week before the trip, he was $700 short of his needed amount. As he talked with me at church, his mom was talking to another lady whom I don't even know and this lady saw me and said, "That guy is going to help you! Go talk to him right now!". She clearly had received a word of knowledge from God. So his mom came over and mentioned it to me and I had no idea what she was talking about until the next day, when I counted up the money from China and realized it was almost the exact amount the kid needed! Everyone who had donated to me had told me to keep the money for future ministry! And a week earlier, the Lord had told Derek, the leader of our fellowship that he would do financial miracles like that with us. Clearly, the Lord wanted me to send this kid to Puerto Rico and what an awesome opportunity to be a part of that.

Another thing I'm noticing in life right now, is the continuing passion the Lord gives me for the homeless I spent so much time with last year. God has repeatedly shown me through the Scripture the following principle, based out of Matthew 25: to serve and minister to the least of these is like serving me (this is Jesus speaking). Out of this God has shown me that to love and serve the poor (and anyone for that matter) is another facet of encountering God and having relationship with God. The second commandment of loving your neighbor as you do yourself is grounded in and unto the first commandment of loving the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. To those in the house of prayer movement that I may be speaking to (and I can relate to because I have been involved in this movement), I've always had a problem with the ALMOST, but not TOTAL, exclusive focus on limiting the practice of the first commandment to sitting in the prayer room. The world in the context of the prayer room, not just a safe building full of other believers. We need to be the prayer room and do the practice of the house of prayer in the darkest of places and among the most corrupt of people. We need to keep the first commandment in first place by embracing the fullness of it which includes the second commandment and includes going out from the building and being the house of prayer everywhere. Yet, in no way to I neglect the position of the prayer movement right now and the necessity for lots of time in the house of prayer as well!
God has promised me that if I go out to these people, not to "do ministry", but just expecting to encounter Him, and love Him by loving these people, that He will meet me there. Anywhere that I can meet God, that's where I will go!

My greatest area of commitment right now is my covenant with the two others, Derek and Anna, that I repeatedly mention in these letters. We have sought to be very focused and intentional in our pursuits corporately, since the Lord has been kind to entrust us with much, we seek to be responsible stewards. Right now, we are just learning how to truly BE a corporate body in the fullest sense. I think that we've discovered a unity which is sadly lacking in much of the Church. We have had our rough spots and potholes in recent times and some of the development has been difficult, but so worth it because it's real, it's true and it's God's will. We meet several times a week, with an emphasis on mostly prayer in some focused areas, but also a great deal of teaching, mostly from International House of Prayer and also some others. I see some areas that are fast becoming areas of corporate emphasis as well. We all have a passion for godly education and they have been privileged to teach in a classical Christian upstart in Wilmore and to mentor several teenagers. I have a similar passion as well as what I believe to be a call from God to intercede for this new school. The Lord has opened up a small degree to us out of the book of Daniel as to an appropriate paradigm for education and this has been an exciting journey, but we're just in the beginning of it, so what more I can share is quite limited. I think that I see mentoring and spiritual fathering playing a big role in our future as well. We seek to fan the flames of revival especially in America and we see a need to call the Church at large to corporate repentence. There are so many other things that we want to adopt and grow in as well, but these are the LORD'S areas of emphasis for us right now. That's a mouthful for this summary at this time anyway.

I continue to work the furniture outlet I've been at and I'm enjoying it SO much. For as long as the LORD, Yahweh, our Father and God through Jesus will allow me to have this job I'll be thankful. And I'll be thankful when He brings about something else too. I am content in this season, but hungry also for the future that He longs for me to grab ahold of and walk in as well.

May the LORD cause His face to shine upon each of you to the degree that you will receive what He reveals of Himself to you. May none of us be found hardened, but rather tender toward God, as He is tender and zealous toward each of us.

Nathan Rickard

Word from the Journey 2.2

2009-10-10T03:57:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,

I have been having the time of my life the past several months as I've continued in journeying with God and the lessons have been innumerable. I am at a stage where my long-term goals are clear and the clear direction of the rest of my life is set and I know the immediate next steps in terms of the rest of my life, but a lot of the in-between stuff is cloudy, that is everything from September 2009, on. What am I doing up until Sept. 2009? Thanks for asking! I covet your prayers for the upcoming summer, as I will be journeying to Harbin, China with my covenant fellowship here in Wilmore. The three of us are going there to pray as we have a calling to the nations of the world and the global Church. We will be tagging along with 7 others from Asbury College and the "official" reason we're going is to teach English for 3 months to students over there. This is a very exciting opportunity since I have greatly missed China since I was there in 2005 and my friends also feel a call there. I should clarify, we feel called there for this time, but frankly, our calling in life is to the nations of the world and not just China.

This is an exciting step for our fellowship as we seek to walk together in the things that God has spoken to us for about 2 years now. As we are there, we want to gain a heart for the Church in China, and we want to build them up through prayer and whatever other avenues God will provide to us. In some ways, I even think that this opportunity is more for us as a fellowship than it is for China, because God is still building foundations in us corporately before He will allow us to set foundations which is a major part of our ministry.

I know that we certainly need any prayers that you can offer for us, for the logistics, financial provision and the actual teaching. Because we are teaching for the university, they are paying for our airplane tickets, room and board, so most expenses are pretty much covered. For me, the only expenses that remain are the expenses for the visa, some spending money while there and a $300 deposit to the university which will be returned. My greatest need is just wisdom in teaching conversational English to these students. We'll each have our own classrooms and I have never formally taught or had formal training in it either. This is quite a faith endeavor for me and in many ways, I do not even know where to start in preparing for the teaching aspect. I do know that God led me to this, and so He will enable me as I walk in faith and seek out every means of help I can in doing well in this facet. As a fellowship, Derek, Anna, and I will be meeting regularly up until we leave to pray for strategy in China and to prepare for teaching as well.

On to some other things:

God has kindly opened up temporary work for me that pays well at a local furniture outlet. The owners go to one of my church fellowships and that's how I was able to be hooked up with that. I was desperately needing something and God opened that up after the firewood job ran out. I am so thankful. I am continuing in the word God spoke to me near the end of my time on the streets to stick with temporary work for the time being and that was before I had any idea about going to China. I now see why God told me to stick with temporary work-because He knew I'd be going to China for three months out of the summer. Someone tell me that God is not totally sovereign and all-knowing. Every full-time regular job I've tried to get has fallen through, so with temporary jobs I will stick for now.

I have enjoyed many ministry and prayer opportunities over the past few months. The presence of God has been so near and His guidance has always come just in time. I have seen God reveal so much in fellowship with Him, I certainly have a lot of fuel for future teaching opportunities and other things that God will open up.

I know that in the long-term I will be co-laboring with the rest of the Church to bring a long-needed reform to the way we conceive of and do "church." A neat document I came across recently is sort of a good articulation of what the Church is moving towards. You can google it or something if you want on the internet-it's called Wolfgang Simson's 15 Theses. Another author who just died a couple years ago has influenced us more than anyone we've ever read. We are working through a book of his called Apostolic Foundations. His name is Arthur Katz, and he's a messianic jew who was originally an atheist. He was teaching high school in California in the mid-1900s and he took a sabbatical to hitchhike through Europe and search out life. His search climaxed in Israel where a group of messianic jews labored in prayer with him for three days at the end of which he entrusted himself to Jesus and became a Christian. His is one of the most stimulating stories I've ever read and you can find it in his memoirs/journal of the sabbatical months. It's called Ben-Israel.

God is very much alive and at work in the world today and I'm getting to see it first hand!

A Recent Miracle

2009-07-04T14:21:00.000-07:00

Some of you know that I was planning on going to China this summer to teach English over there. Some of you may not have known that. But anyway, that was the plan. During the month of June, things started looking shady regarding that trip because of the occurence of H1N1. Finally, near the end of June, the trip was canceled just as we had suspected. Over the time that we had been planning for the trip (some other friends going with me), several had donated money to the trip, though we had not done any overt fundraising other than one fundraiser that had been suggested to us. By the time people had finished donating to it, we had raised about $730 toward it. Once the trip was canceled, I began to check with people regarding the use of the money. Each one told me to keep it for future ministry opportunities. Fast forward...

The church youth group at the congregation I attend was headed for Puerto Rico on a mission trip this summer. A new kid in the church was planning on going on this trip. One week before the trip, he was short a lot of money and I was talking with him one Sunday while his mom was talking to another lady in the church. While we were talking, this other lady, whom I did not even know and she did not even know me pointed to me in the middle of her conversation with this kid's mom over the financial need and said, "That guy is going to help you. Go talk to him now (she has a tendency to hear from God)." So this kid's mom came over and talked to me. I had no idea what she was talking about, but I said I'd pray about it. You can pretty much guess what happened. This kid needed $750 and it hit me the next day as I counted the money up from China, that I had almost that exact amount. I knew immediately that God wanted that money to send this kid to Puerto Rico, so that's what we did. In addition, God had told me friend who was part if the China trip with me that He would do financial miracles of that sort with us.

God's ways never cease to amaze me!

The Longing

2009-01-26T19:03:00.000-08:00

He is.

A fountain of living water flows.

He is…

All-sufficiency.

He is…

The first pilgrim, perfected in His humility.

He is…

The One that has called my name and I cannot resist.

Nothing will hold me back.

I want Him.

His vibrant voice envelopes me and terrifies me.

I cannot resist the gift He offers.

I am…

In love.

I am…

Persevering fearlessly to receive the gift of Himself.

I am…

A nothing who wants everything.

I am…

Lovesick for life.

Fainting for this real-life fantasy.

Ravenous for reality.

Dying for real passion.

Longing for the legacy of the Man to be found in me.

I will go to great lengths to die

That I might be made alive

Truly and fully living

In liberation to the utmost

Bound by nothing

Released to Everything

Even to the realm of infinite impossibility

For greater is He that is in me

Than He that is in the world.

Get Out of Your Box and let go of Low-Life

2008-12-14T13:44:00.000-08:00

I went into this journey with Jesus a little skeptical, but I have embarked on the greatest adventure of life that has taken me everywhere, from China, to Brazil, to homelessness on the streets. I have not seen it all, but I have seen a lot. Only God could orchestrate such a symphony of highs and lows, joys, tears, and pain. No symphony is complete without the suffering.

Only Jesus could convince me to graduate from college with a degree and yet not set out a single resume', but instead give everything away and live among homeless people as one of them for almost five months. Only Jesus could orchestrate taking me with no job or or regular income over the past year to pray in San Diego and in Washington D.C. on two different occasions. Only Jesus could lead me to where I'm living now and miraculously provide for all my needs. Only Jesus fulfilled the prophecies, only Jesus heals bodies, only Jesus brings the dead to life, literally and physically even!

Only Jesus freed me from depression and the fear of what people think. Only Jesus has made me confident in myself. Only Jesus has justified me with a God that demands and creates perfection in His children. Jesus is the only way to God. This is not my opinion, but a fact. Being a fact, it's not arrogant for me to state it as such. Jesus actually raised from the dead. No other religion can make such a claim.

My life has surpassed my wildness dreams so far. Jesus did more with me than I thought I'd ever give him permission to do. Do you want to be blown away? Do you want to have your life rocked?

Response to You Tube Comments and the like regarding Abortion

2008-11-06T06:13:00.000-08:00

1. I/We (naterick23 and the lady, the one also broadcasting on my channel) do not hate anyone . Do not accuse us of hate because we have expressed a concern about morality. Calling abortion morally wrong is not hate speech. It's just a truth statement. Writing comments that include profanity and put-downs is more in the line of hate.

2. Please do not label us self-righteous or hypocritical. Those terms are way over-used by people who are angry at Christians and they're used without much thought. Why do I say this? Because nobody is self-righteous except God himself! Even Jesus said that! All of us whether Christian or not are born evil and selfish. Nobody is claiming to be better than anybody. Only in Jesus can anybody be righteous. We're all on equal ground, friends. I establish this so that you understand that we're not talking down to you because we have no right to. We're wicked people who are only learning to become righteous through Jesus and God's mercy through Him. And by the way, you can too!

1. We're only proclaiming God's agenda, and not our own. We don't want control and power! We want people to be truly liberated and free and God gave us the principles in his Scripture on how to do that. God's agenda is the key to our pleasure and happiness! God has more of an appetite for real pleasure than any of us! He's the creator of pleasure. We settle for so much less!

See abortion in light of the above: God's not inhibiting us by forbidding the murder of people. He makes laws for our good! He loves us so much! He wants us to happy. He likes to be around us!

I want to reply to an individual that agreed with the idea that abortion is terrible, but thought that each person should still have a choice. I agree! And no person, no matter who they are or how much power they have can take our choice away because God created us with it. Unfortunately, we've distorted the fundamental meaning and purpose of law in the process. Law does not give humans rights! It restrains evil! Law shows people the difference between what is right and wrong at the most fundamental level. It cannot ever save us from our problems and it's not meant to. What I'm saying, in effect then, is that certainly we have a choice, but the type of choice you're asking for is a choice without the negative consequences but that is not how law and authority works. Every decision has consequences. Law establishes right from wrong and when law takes something that is wicked and calls it "good," it ceases to be law and causes "lawlessness" which results in chaos. Abortion is just such an issue where law has taken something wicked and called it good. That is the problem.

God is NOT Democrat or Republican. If he was, he wouldn't have let Obama win, would he? So in other words, God has a purpose for putting Obama in office. Does that mean that God approves of all of Obama's views? Of course not! So does that mean that God endorses McCain's views? Of course not! God is not on anyone's side! God is not a lobbyist for a certain agenda! God is on his own side. For goodness sakes, he's God! That's why none of us can claim our own self-righteousness which suggests that God is on our side! He's only on his own side. My friend and I are not calling for anyone to conform to us. God is calling all of us, including my friend and I to conform to him.

Well, that's a good response for now to the big comments on abortion. I'll try and hit up some of your individual comments too. Ask me any questions if you have any.

Peace and love ya'll,
Nate

Words from the Journey 2.1

2008-10-30T20:00:00.000-07:00

Beloved in Jesus,

I am beginning a new series of updates because of an ever-developing chapter that has begun. Welcome to Word on the Journey Volume 2, Number 1.

I am no longer living on the streets, but living in a transition phase which has been happening over the past month or so. While I enjoyed the fruit of the experience on the streets and certainly see the purpose of it, I'm so relieved that the Lord has led me on. Living homeless is not fun. It was necessary for the time being for me to live by faith and release myself to God in life. You could almost call it a rite of passage from childhood and a life of reliance upon my parents, to adulthood and a life led by faith and not sight, by the words of God and not my own rationale. I have set the course for the rest of my life and thinking by taking this first step. No matter what the circumstances look like and no matter what any person thinks, I live according to what faith tells me and not according to anything else. That's humanism and it's the way this world thinks (and unfortunately, many Christians who may mean well live according to it).

I certainly learned a lot about how the homeless and other social outcasts think, I learned much about myself and much about reaching broken people. I hope to see how this time will affect me in the future, especially when I make reaching out a regular thing again. I no that reaching out and serving others needs to be a permanent fixture in our lives, but I also am seeing the wisdom in the current phase of laying solid foundations for that to happen, that foundation being the fellowship I'm praying with in Wilmore. They are such a strategic part for God's plan in my life and the future ministry God is leading us into. I'm excited to be giving myself currently to working odd jobs and part-time work for financial provision and giving myself to this fellowship and to seeking God. I am still living with the my friend in Lexington whom I'm serving by doing some handyman work. It's been a good situation and mutually beneficial in the way of encouragement and lot's of good fellowship in the Lord, and in prayer. Anne has such a heart for God and so much ministry experience so talking with her has been so valuable.

One of the most recent interesting pieces of news lately has been that about two weeks ago I took a youth pastor out to the streets for 2 days. He lived as a homeless man and I returned to homelessness at the last weekend of October. It wasn't fun and I only did it for him, but I'm not complaining; it was good. And it was really good for him. It's so funny; his wife was about 9 months pregnant when he went out and the night before we went out, Anne and I prayed she'd go into labor so that I wouldn't have to return to the streets! But, it didn't happen and so back to the streets I went. My friend was just ripped up about the situation down there in Lexington and his eyes were definitely opened. We had a fun time. I must say that I think I have had a falling out with one of my friends down there, Kevin. Pray for him. He's in a lot of deception and needs the truth of Christ to shine in and take him over. Pray that amends and reconciliation would be made between us where necessary.

I have had a couple speaking engagements that have been loads of fun and I'm doing temporary work. I'm looking to apply for some substitute teaching and some other options too. I have asked the Lord about full-time permanent work and He has not released me to do that yet. It seems that He wants to keep my schedule pretty free for the time being.

I about 2 weeks, I head to San Diego for 2 days with Derek and Anna as well as one of Anna's friends. We're going there to the Call, to pray and fast for the state of California. That will be fun times. I'm also praying about some opportunities for next summer with Derek and Anna overseas. Nothing official, we'll see.

Pray for me as I seek to become financially stable again. This is becoming a very important issue right now, not to be anxious or afraid about, but just to address and be serious about. I know God will always provide.

I also ask for prayers for my continuing fellowship with Derek and Anna. God is drawing us closer to one another and Him. He's calling us into true wholeheartedness and holiness. We believe that He has called us to walk in these things on a new level. God has made us some pretty incredible and tangible promises that are impossible for us to produce. Partner with me in prayer for God to release these things in our midst. We want to receive all of His promises by faith.

Pray for God's continued work downtown. I have friends down there who have seemed to pick up where I've left off and been very successful about it. I won't say names because this friend wouldn't want me to mention him, but pray for him and praise God for God's work in his heart. He's doing a very good job and really going even farther than I did when I was among these people. Thanks my friend (you know who you are) and blessings!

Thanks for your continued support and love,

Nathan

The New Holocaust

2008-10-30T14:23:00.000-07:00

Check out the following link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RyG4uOxCyGQ

Abortion is blatantly evil. It is murder. It is fueled by a culture of convenience, self-gratification and death. It is perpetuated by the religion of Humanism. Do not be blinded by so-called progress, change and intellectualism. Do not be tricked by rhetoric and charisma. Murder has always been murder and it's never been right, no matter how it is argued, to take a human life.

I cannot force anyone to vote any certain way, but I can inform the conscience and I call people to terms. Do not vote for Obama's extremism, especially pertaining to the murder of babies. He will hurt our country and take away everything about America that is distinctive. He will discard our roots, for the Humanism of the world. He will introduce economic policies which look dangerously socialistic. And we cannot handle the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan like someone seasoned in such matters like John McCain.

Vote carefully. We will all be held accountable one day.

Word on the Journey 2.1

2008-10-20T21:09:00.001-07:00

There must be more than this...

2008-10-07T06:41:00.000-07:00

There must be more than this. If all there is to Christianity is getting "saved" and then everything is great, you go to church, you witness a little bit, you go to prayer meetings and experience the "fire of God", you keep sinning "only occasionally", but it's okay because it's less than before, you get baptized in the Holy Spirit and prophesy and speak in tongues and you get excited about theology; if we are content with how things currently are, then Christianity is false and no person should have the audacity to say that Christianity is unique among the religions of the world or that it's a relationship with God. If all of the above is it, a few events that happen in our lives, then Jesus is dead and Christianity is a hoax.

WE MUST HAVE MORE! We are talking about the resurrection power of God, actually and literally raising people from the dead. We are talking literally about ETERNITY and about a literally ALL-POWERFUL God. How can we continue walking as we walk?

God, give us grace for we are so limited in our capacity and weak in our desire for more. John tells us that all who continue in sin are children of the devil. Is our God strong enough to cleanse us totally from sin? If not, then our God is dead. Is our God strong enough to save us totally from the condemnation that is our destiny if we are not in Jesus? If not, then our God is dead. If Christianity is just another religion, then Christianity is a hoax an it's dead. God, you are giving us a season to learn how to always abide in Christ, thus making absolutely NO provision for the flesh. He who is in Jesus cannot be charged with any sin, nor can he commit any sin.

Now, let's come down to earth for a moment of encouragement since I made bold statements. They are true and they don't need qualification, but I want to be encouraging for a moment. If any of us are in sin at this moment, we can repent and come into Jesus. The ideal I expressed above is real, but it takes time and God's timing is different from ours. The moment that God has given to us to enter into this truth is the moment of our lives on earth. So be encouraged and press in, for Jesus Himself is our Advocate. The above must become true of His Church. The Church needs to be able to say with Jesus, "If you've seen me, you've seen the Father." This is a truly mature and apostolic church. Do not fear, but fear God and believe God to produce this in our midst.

Word on the Street #15

2008-09-25T08:56:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry that this email is so long overdue, or maybe it's just right on time, so forget the apology. Everything finds it's time in our Lord and nothing is late in the economy of God. I'm sure you've all been wondering some of the latest with me. A lot of changes and transition happening. As of late, I've not been living as a homeless person, but the transition from that season to the next is still in process and may continue to be for a long time yet. I'm not rushing the transition or assuming anything, but walking it by faith as Yahweh reveals His will to me. I'm far from being called away from the homeless and ministry among them, but God is shifting my focus to His work in our midst in Wilmore which I believe will be the future major platform of His ministry to and through me. A lot of service among the homeless will continue to happen, but I'm not living as one of them anymore. Currently, I'm living with a friend in Lexington, the director of Sonshine Mission who I've been helping over the past few weeks. I'm not in any formal sort of work yet, but my plan for now is to work temporary jobs and odd jobs because this is what God has revealed to me. I'm basically just getting by financially in this line of work. My only real bills are my student loans, my health insurance, and miscellaneous expenses along the way. It's not much right now which is fortunate. I know God will continue to provide for me as I'm faithful to the occupation He's laid before me. That occupation in a nutshell is to do temp work for financial provision, spending time in His presence, and walking out my life and ministry according to what I do receive in the place of encountering God. This is panning out in many ways through relationship with people, serving people like Anne at Sonshine Mission, intercession for people, open-air preaching and evangelistic prayer, building the prayer base and vision base which God's given in Wilmore and the resulting work from it, and several speaking engagements (something I'm still adjusting to, but learning a lot as I go). It's exciting and it's all unto the only real thing I care about in life: encountering the persons of God in intimate relationship, and bringing other people into that encounter. It produces the most incredible quality of life (John 10:10, "I come that they may have life and have it more abundant...") and liberation in the spirit of people ("He whom the Son sets free is free indeed"). Resulting from the overflow of this life in the spirit of people is lifestyle: righteousness and justice, the proclamation of God's gospel, covenantal community, the working of our eternal vocations for God's glory here on earth, and a host of other manifestations of God's kingdom in our lifestyles. That last paragraph is in some ways a really quick summary of the document that God is having my prayer and fellowship base in Wilmore piece together. Please pray for me as I speak at a Christian school tomorrow to a small group of middle-schoolers. I've spoken to this group once before and hope to more in the future too. The one real thing that God's put on my heart is to see hearts of these teens ignited as it says in Jeremiah: His word is like a fire in my bones and I am weary of holding it in. I want this to be a literal reality for these students and for the maturing Church. We all must seek these realities as we encounter God everyday. I need it more. Pray for my presence there, that it will be a conduit of God's presence. It's not about the words I say, but about God's working in that place through a simple vessel like me. Pray for my discernment, and eyes to see and ears to hear what the Spirit of God is saying. I've been learning very literally lately how much my entire existence suffers when I do not consume the Word of God and let it consume me. Jesus told us to eat His body and drink His blood to be saved and this is an able physical metaphor for what we must do in our spirits. We must consume Jesus so that His person and mind is developed inside of our spirits by the power of His Holy Spirit. We consume Jesus by encountering the Person of Jesus in prayer and the Scripture. If our times with God include nothing more that reading the Bible and simply saying a prayer we miss so much, because the point is to come into living fellowship with God, the literal Persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit! Andrew Murray's commentary on Hebrews, The Holiest of All, articulates this well; I'd encourage you to read it. I got busy for two weeks and didn't spend much time with God and that beat me up. Serving is one of my spiritual gifts and I love it, but I never want to starve myself from the Spirit of God again. When I opened the Word again, it was like the most refreshing water poured on my spirit and soul and body and I realized how much I need it to be the fabric of my life and existence, literally. I share this to edify you, the body. This newsletter isn't about the events I go to and the exciting programs that are happening. It's about our corporate edification for God has called His people into a community governed by covenant with Him and others. It's a sacred trust that we will be eternally blessed to walk in. Keep upcoming speaking engagements and times of relationship with people in your prayers. Keep our nation and our presidential election in your prayers. Intercede before God for repentance to fall like rain upon us. These are crucial and strategic issues for Christians to engage with the Lord about. Keep praying for the names I've given you in the past even though you don't know them. These people are of infinite importance to God and I do well to remember that. God doesn't play favorites or show preference. He's not willing for any to perish. Pray that I wouldn't show partiality, but that I would fully love for God's sake.

Link to radio interview...

2008-09-25T08:51:00.000-07:00

www.cleardigitalsolutions.com/sonshine/NathanRickard08.mp3

I don't know how much longer this link will work, so check it out soon.

Another Praise!

2008-09-18T16:12:00.000-07:00

A buddy of mine with a terrible toothache a couple weeks ago was concerned that he'd have to go the dentist which he couldn't afford, so I prayed for him and he was healed. Praise God for an outbreak of physical healings!

A Radio Interview Miracle!

2008-09-17T18:53:00.001-07:00

Beloved in Jesus,

Today, I was interviewed by Anne Stephens for her radio show, "Sonshine Today" which will air this Saturday at 10 am on 99.1 (sorry for those of you not in Lexington). I did not just write this to advertise about this radio interview. I write to testify to a miracle of God which happened today as a result of this.

Anne uses Adobe Audition 1 to record these radio interviews and has been for several years. We did the 30 minute interview and it was awesome. She actually told me that it was one of the best interviews she'd done. God was all over it. And then, we recorded another five minute story which we wanted to edit into this as well. The tragedy came when Anne, as she was talking to me, accidently saved this 5 minute segment by the same name as the original 32 minute segment, and before our eyes, the original interview was overwritten and lost, just like that. She tried to undo and searched her whole computer for the original and it was nowhere to be found. We called computer techs who told us that we couldn't do anything about it. They gave a few suggestions, but none of them worked. We prayed for recovery of the file and didn't see any hope of that happening.

Over the next few hours, new files started popping up and we were lost as to what they were. She checked a couple and they were just the same 5 minute section which overwrote the original interview. They were all under my name, but sequentially with numbers 1-5. Then, on top of all this confusion, the computer shut down without any warning on her and she had to reboot it. This all happened while I was at church tonight. I came back from church and we prepared to sit down and redo the interview. She deleted "Nathan 5.wav" and I suggested she check numbers 1-4 just to make sure of what they were. Each one was the 5 minute section...except for number 4. "Nathan 4.wav" was the original interview! Numbers 2-5 were spontaneous files based off of Nathan 1.wav which was the 5 minute segment which had overwritten the original interview, and yet number 4 had the original interview on it! There's no possible way this could have happened!

If you're in Lexington area, tune in on Saturday at 99.1 FM for the miracle interview!

Praise be to God!
Nathan

Word on the Street #14

2008-09-09T10:54:00.000-07:00

As of late, I've not been living as a homeless person, but the transition from that season to the next is still in process and may continue to be for a long time yet. I'm not rushing the transition or assuming anything, but walking it by faith as Yahweh reveals His will to me. I'm far from being called away from the homeless and ministry among them, but God is shifting my focus to His work in our midst in Wilmore which I believe will be the future major platform of His ministry to and through me. A lot of service among the homeless will continue to happen, but I'm not living as one of them anymore. Currently, I'm living with a friend in Lexington, the director of Sonshine Mission who I've been helping over the past few weeks. I'm not in any formal sort of work yet, but my plan for now is to work temporary jobs and odd jobs because this is what God has revealed to me. I'm basically just getting by financially in this line of work. My only real bills are my student loans, my health insurance, and miscellaneous expenses along the way. It's not much right now which is fortunate. I know God will continue to provide for me as I'm faithful to the occupation He's laid before me. That occupation in a nutshell is to do temp work for financial provision, spending time in His presence, and walking out my life and ministry according to what I do receive in the place of encountering God. This is panning out in many ways through relationship with people, serving people like Anne at Sonshine Mission, intercession for people, open-air preaching and evangelistic prayer, building the prayer base and vision base which God's given in Wilmore and the resulting work from it, and several speaking engagements (something I'm still adjusting to, but learning a lot as I go). It's exciting and it's all unto the only real thing I care about in life: encountering the persons of God in intimate relationship, and bringing other people into that encounter. It produces the most incredible quality of life (John 10:10, "I come that they may have life and have it more abundant...") and liberation in the spirit of people ("He whom the Son sets free is free indeed"). Resulting from the overflow of this life in the spirit of people is lifestyle: righteousness and justice, the proclamation of God's gospel, covenantal community, the working of our eternal vocations for God's glory here on earth, and a host of other manifestations of God's kingdom in our lifestyles. That last paragraph is in some ways a really quick summary of the document that God is having my prayer and fellowship base in Wilmore piece together. Please pray for me as I speak at a Christian school tomorrow to a small group of middle-schoolers. I've spoken to this group once before and hope to more in the future too. The one real thing that God's put on my heart is to see hearts of these teens ignited as it says in Jeremiah: His word is like a fire in my bones and I am weary of holding it in. I want this to be a literal reality for these students and for the maturing Church. We all must seek these realities as we encounter God everyday. I need it more. Pray for my presence there, that it will be a conduit of God's presence. It's not about the words I say, but about God's working in that place through a simple vessel like me. Pray for my discernment, and eyes to see and ears to hear what the Spirit of God is saying. I've been learning very literally lately how much my entire existence suffers when I do not consume the Word of God and let it consume me. Jesus told us to eat His body and drink His blood to be saved and this is an able physical metaphor for what we must do in our spirits. We must consume Jesus so that His person and mind is developed inside of our spirits by the power of His Holy Spirit. We consume Jesus by encountering the Person of Jesus in prayer and the Scripture. If our times with God include nothing more that reading the Bible and simply saying a prayer we miss so much, because the point is to come into living fellowship with God, the literal Persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit! Andrew Murray's commentary on Hebrews, The Holiest of All, articulates this well; I'd encourage you to read it. I got busy for two weeks and didn't spend much time with God and that beat me up. Serving is one of my spiritual gifts and I love it, but I never want to starve myself from the Spirit of God again. When I opened the Word again, it was like the most refreshing water poured on my spirit and soul and body and I realized how much I need it to be the fabric of my life and existence, literally. I share this to edify you, the body. This newsletter isn't about the events I go to and the exciting programs that are happening. It's about our corporate edification for God has called His people into a community governed by covenant with Him and others. It's a sacred trust that we will be eternally blessed to walk in. Keep upcoming speaking engagements and times of relationship with people in your prayers. Keep our nation and our presidential election in your prayers. Intercede before God for repentance to fall like rain upon us. These are crucial and strategic issues for Christians to engage with the Lord about.

Word on the Street #13

2008-08-18T07:41:00.000-07:00

Some new things are brewing. I see some things on the horizon in my spirit and I'm excited. I don't even exactly know what they are. I don't know if it means that I'm coming off the streets, although it certainly seems like it will. After almost 5 months out here, God's revelation and presence still seems fresh and His mercies and blessings are new every morning. Amen! I'm seeing in such a clear and awesome way God's leading by faith in my life and it's so simple! It's so very simple. Anything that was so difficult before was because of my overly analytical mind and my Thnatural human fears. The Christian life is so very simple (but not always easy). Tat's it! At this point, faith is all I have to lean on, because I have 0% of my future planned, absolutely zero. Do I have plans and thoughts and expectations? Absolutely! Do I know for sure what's going to happen? Nope! And that's ideal. I'm so excited. For 1.5 years, I've been praying every Sunday night with 2 of my closest friends with no end in sight. Some Sundays are incredibly boring and others are lit up by the fire of the Spirit of God. God is always present, but sometimes He shrouds Himself to test us and teach us that it has nothing to do with emotion and feelings and everything to do with the fact that He is present where He's being worshipped in spirit and in truth. That's what the Word says. Even though we have very little insight into where these weekly prayer meetings are going, we have the assurance that God has planted a seed, just as He did in Sarah in her old age through Abraham, and He's going to birth an Isaac in our midst for we are children not of flesh, but children of the promise. God has promised us something and we feel it deep in our spirits, and we know He'll deliver. Amen! Do we have any idea what the promise is? A little bit that God has used to encourage us and keep us going, but He's kept most of it veiled and He'll unleash it at just the right time. We know that God wants to launch us in ministry/church together, but we just don't know all that it will look like. I'm so committed to this Sunday night prayer meeting, that I daresay that all else in my life right now is preparing me for that and feeding into that! This church body on Sunday nights is more primary to me in some ways than all the other regular fellowships with the Church that I have, although the various other bodies are so instrumental in there own right too. We are so very stoked to see what God has in mind.

Pray that nothing, including no desires of my flesh, will take me off the streets of Lexington. The only thing that can lead me from the streets is faith, for I follow faith alone. God is doing some new things and leading in new directions, but He hasn't told me to leave the streets yet. Praise Him though, he continues to provide places for me to stay quite regularly, an ongoing supply of finances, and some amazing Christians who constantly uplift me. I hope that I minister to them as much as they minister to me! Pray as God has been teaching me about spending myself on His Church and giving myself to others. It's not a mindset I'm used to, because I'm actually quite selfish, even in my spiritual life. Pray as I'll be in West Virginia this weekend helping with a building project, in Wilmore this next week to hammer out a document with Derek regarding direction and vision for a church/ministry which God is starting, and in Washington DC next weekend for a day of prayer and fasting for the nation. I have an active couple of weeks coming up. I wish I could include everything which is happening. You all are priceless to me and I love and appreciate you all very much.

Word on the Street #12

2008-07-18T11:58:00.000-07:00

A lot changed last week when a handicapped guy came rolling through the doors of Lighthouse to get a free meal. I had just finished washing dishes after the normal lunch served to the homeless and I walked out in the main room to find one of the program guys feeding this guy. I took over because this program guy needed to do something else and we launched into a long talk. What a difficult situation! This man was and is facing homelessness and I immediately wanted to do something about it. I didn't realize how close our contact would be for at least the next few days. He needs help with about everything. I saw him again the next day where he discovered my life on the streets and invited me to stay at the motel where he was staying for a night. I graciously accepted and went back to Wilmore for the Sunday like usual.

On Tuesday, he faced the prospect of homelessness and I cared for him much of the day. At supper, God deposited the thought into my head of 2 ladies I knew and I immediately decided to see if they'd take him in for a few days. It certainly was divine appointment! Because one lady had similar handicaps to my friend, they were able to relate to him and provide for him. One even gave up her bed for him. They've proven to be an excellent temporary solution.

In the course of our time, we had an interesting discussion about God and how He desires to heal us. My friend at this point announced that he didn't want to be healed because he believes God made him special and the way he is for a reason. It seems like he fights with feeling valuable or something and instead of being content with where God has him and also believing that God can heal and restore him, he instead embraces his condition to the other extreme, taking pride in it. Unfortunately, what I wanted to communicate to him in a loving way didn't come out right and he thought that I called his condition "sin" thereby making him a sinner simply for being born with a handicap.

Here's some of the dynamics which I saw: I think we both have different definitions of sin. I'm talking about the force of evil released on earth through the Curse and I think he's thinking of individual actions against God's law. I also think he was making an emotional argument while I was making an objective one. I spoke truth, but I probably didn't speak it wisely. If my friend is offended by truth, fine, but I don't want to cause unnecessary offense based on my faulty articulation of truth. I guess the best way to understand is this: God loves my friend as he is, just as He embraces all sinners when we put our faith in Christ. He does use my friend's condition to humble all of us. If my friend loves God, God uses his condition for good. He should be content in God even in the midst of his condition. Here's the other side. None of the above is possible with his current attitude. He thinks his condition is a good thing. No, God's using it for good, but in and of itself, it's a bad thing. God desires to restore and completely heal too. It was an interesting conversation.

Please pray for my friend, his thinking, his physical healing, and most of all his salvation through Jesus Christ. It's hard to tell if he truly has the life of God's Spirit pulsating in him. I think he's similar to many that I've met: they have aligned their mind with an idea and agreed with it, but they have not had the indwelling living reality of God coming in and foundating their entire existence. Pray also that we can see around my friend's double-talk (he's not been completely honest with us) and get him the help he needs.

Embracing God's Suffering?

2008-07-14T13:29:00.000-07:00

In following God, I did not take my cross and was not whole-hearted, because subconciously I received Jesus, but did not receive the suffering which comes with that name. Now, the Father poses the question to me, "Will you drink the cup of suffering that comes with bearing Jesus' name?" He did not ask me to make life hard on myself or to strive to do religious things driven by fear, but to receive the suffering which comes with following Jesus. Instead of opposing it, will I receive it? Will I embrace all that the fasted lifestyle entails and receive the suffering which my flesh endures so that it might find it's greatest fulfillment in Jesus? I've half-heartedly embraced it, but not to the fullest degree yet and I might as well leave it behind and say "No, thanks" to the Lord if I'm not totally going to embrace it. This is a part of the heart of God; that I embrace the suffering which reminds me of my dependence on Him.

We must know that when we say "Yes" to God, we're saying "Yes" to the suffering which inevitably will run along side the pilgrimmage of faith in Jesus. This is part of counting the cost and something God wants us to consider before we say, "Yes." Pray for me, that my answer will be "Yes." to the suffering of Christ in me.

Tolerance?

2008-07-12T13:44:00.000-07:00

I'll admit that the Lord has been teaching me about his kindness and mercy, his patience and how important faith is even before works, and yet how works are such an important aspect of faith. I've also learned in the past years of my life (or shall I use the word "indoctrinated") to be tolerant and patient toward those of other beliefs. I have bought into this belief mainly for one reason and it's not due to what I've seen in Scripture. I've bought into this belief because I know some people in this world that are sincerely seeking truth that do not believe the same as I do. Of course, that's only an assumption. Some people in this world are probably seeking truth more zealously than I am and I'm probably seeking truth more zealously than some others. Now this brings me to a problem.

Those may sound like good intentions, but Scripture proclaims with authority that Jesus alone is the truth. Faith should inevitably result in increasing one's authority in matters that they are putting their faith in, because biblically speaking, faith is not blind, but it is indeed sight and evidence of things hoped for, the very SUBSTANCE of the unseen. Here's what I'm getting at: I looked up some stuff on Westboro Baptist Church today, and also read the biography of St. Antony, by Athanasius. Now St. Antony did not proclaim truth in the same spirit as Westboro Baptist Church does, but here's the fact about both of these entities that I like, even if I do not agree totally with the spirit of Westboro Baptist Church: these two entities proclaimed truth with authority. I believe that Westboro Baptist doesn't need to proclaim the truth in such a hateful fashion, but at least they are proclaiming truth about God's judgment. I see the same in the biography of St. Antony: he vehemently stood with authority on issues of orthodoxy and did not share fellowship with heretics. This type of determined stance seems impossible in today's world and I like getting along with people. I could certainly have this stance, but I would be hated, even by some Christians. Let me change my wording: I do have this type of unmoving stance; I've just been afraid to proclaim it. But the fact is that Jesus IS the only way, those who are not in Him WILL go to Hell, the message of repentance from sin, and the message of God's judgment are absolute TRUTH for all people whether they "believe" in God and the Bible or not. I refuse to move an inch on that! I don't want to be a jerk unnecessarily, but I won't budge on even the hard truths!

"If you do not believe, you surely will not last..."

2008-07-10T07:19:00.000-07:00

Yahweh has shown me how much I've bought into the lie of fear and furthering my own ego, especially recently in my approach to Scripture. I have been used by God to facilitate a weekly Bible study for guys in the program at the Lighthouse and lately I've been distracted by the temptation to put together good intellectual Bible studies that reflect my abilities in order to prove myself to them and God. God is certainly putting me through some purging right now to purge that very desire from me. What I'm seeing is that the rhetoric of faith is not just rhetoric. I have believed the lie (not whole-heartedly, but subconsciously) for much of my life that the Scripture was just good philosophical rhetoric without truly practical application and that to live life, it was really just up to me to produce. God has been using this time in me to expose that lie in the strongest terms.

The rhetoric of Scripture is actually absolute truth with practical application! I say this not from a dogmatic, agenda-driven perspective, but because I have truly experienced the actual reliability of faith! Hebrews 11:6 lays it out: "And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him." If I'm going to truly let go of my ego, my abilities driven by fear, and my desire to please and impress people so I can land a good job, then I have to truly believe that God exists and rewards those who follow His rhetoric laid out in Scripture. We all claim to "believe in" God. God will bring all who claim to believe in Him and who actually think they do to an ultimatum; a test to see if that claim is really true. "If you really believe in Me, you will lay down every aspect of your life: ego, pride, abilities, control, etc." If God does not exist, then it's stupid to do that, but if He does, then we are resting on the surest foundation, the foundation of all foundations: the unchanging faithfulness of God.

In my attempts to put together a lesson in the Scripture, the Lord would not allow me to because of my motives, laced with pride. All I did was get stressed out and I couldn't think straight. I have to keep taking the leap of faith and saying that "I walk by faith, not by sight." My ability at working a job will not take me from the streets. My ability to teach the Scripture well will not land me a job at a church or as a missionary. My efforts at controlling my life will not get me anywhere. Faith will take me from the streets, faith will lead me to the next assignment. Faith ALONE will write the next Bible study for the next meeting. Faith ALONE will bring wisdom and understanding from the Scriptures to people.

I'm not in place to display my cleverness in interpreting Scripture to people. My role as a facilitator of a Bible study is to be a vessel through which the Holy Spirit can fan the flame and water the seeds of faith in other people. The Holy Spirit will teach the Scripture to these guys' hearts. I'm just a vessel to fan the flame of that inside these guys through prayer, fellowship, teaching, and imparting wisdom which I've gained through years of prayer and study.

Faith must be the foundation for all, even the smallest things in our lives. It's the only foundation on which to build EVERYTHING. Surely we'll fail without it. Surely we'll fail without prophetic vision. Surely we won't receive faith will an ego. Surely the only posture to be in to receive faith is one of spiritual poverty before an all-powerful, loving God who is strongest in my weakness. Total reliance overcomes my total depravity. Faith is the vehicle of a successful life.
Glory to Almighty God who has rained down MERCY on me.

Word on the Street #11

2008-07-07T12:49:00.000-07:00

Beloved, I have had a hiatus recently as I returned to Michigan for almost 2 weeks. What a good time. It was great to see old friends and be with family, but I also realized how much I belong in Lexington, KY. I was so ready to return after those 2 weeks. As much as I love and miss Michigan, I could not be happy there unless God called me back there, even though some of my favorite people are there. I enjoyed the beach, and sitting on rooftops watching fireworks, speaking at my dad's church, and spending 2 a day in Cincinnati seeing the Creation Museum. That museum was my graduation gift from my parents and it was awesome. It's quite a facility they've built, dedicated to perpetuating a biblical worldview. It greatly informed my thinking and provided me with some great resources. Now, it's time to be back on the streets. So far, I do not know how much longer I'll do this, but I'm giving my time to building my faith and the faith of others, studying, and helping in every area that God brings me to. I know that in the short-term, I'm dedicated to this, and also to whatever the fruits of the Sunday night prayer meetings which I've been attending for a year and a half are. It's amazing to me how much God has protected those Sunday night prayer meetings in Wilmore. Several times I was on the verge of quitting them to stay on the streets in Lexington on Sunday, but God just hasn't let that happen. I'm so committed to praying every Sunday night with Derek and Anna-it's my first priority on Sunday night and it's rarely replaced with anything else. God must have something awesome planned with that. I do not know what it will be exactly, but I'll tell ya'll, this is how I feel: I feel like I'm sitting in a room that's pitch-black, or I'm blindfolded, but it's filled with treasure chests full of gold and riches. These prayer meetings I feel the same way like I'm sowing into something big and great that God has planned, but He hasn't unveiled my eyes or Derek's or Anna's eyes to any of it yet. I have my ideas of what it will look like, but God's plans are so much bigger and exciting. He never ceases to turn my world upside-down again. I've never found anything more exciting than knowing God and journeying with God. I hurt because so much of the world and so many of my friends are missing out! God's been answering a prayer of mine that I prayed several months back about feeling His pain for the homeless and knowing their suffering. I've been feeling it for months, but shying away from it our of fear. God showed me last Sunday as I drove past Phoenix Park in our church van that I should embrace the pain I feel every time I see the homeless in that park because I'm completing the suffering of Jesus as He was on the cross and it should drive me to prayer. God is showing me HIS love, HIS compassion, HIS pain and suffering regarding the poor and downtrodden, the enslaved and oppressed. Faith is the basis for all success in life. He who does not stand in faith will not stand at all (Isaiah 7:9). Firm foundations of faith, built on Jesus Christ will stand the greatest tests, but they take time to build. Sow into and cultivate that firm foundation so that your faith will endure to the end when God takes you from the earth. This is the season I'm in-24/7 building-up my faith so I'll have a firm foundation to stand on in this evil world. I invite all who have a heart for the great risk and adventure of knowing God to join me on this journey of faith. You will never make the journey successfully without being armed with faith. "I AM" will turn your world upside-down,Nathan Rickard

Word on the Street #10

2008-06-12T09:32:00.000-07:00

Beloved in Jesus, How I enjoy sending these updates. They help me to remember a lot of what's been happening, and I always receive so much encouragement from ya'll who take the time to reply! I really appreciate that too because I'm bad about taking time to reply to emails because I don't want to take the time and I'm honored to have some of you which take the time to encourage me in the Lord every time I send one! I want to be more like that! I've had a hard couple of weeks, but rewarding as well. Along side of my struggles with complacency and laziness, Jesus is also launching me into some new territory. Lessons and revelation keep pouring in! There's so much prophetic activity happening that it's hard to sort it all out, but it's so exciting as well. First off, one of my main struggles has been with my own introverted personality. I don't think it's bad to be introverted; I like being introverted, but every personality trait is replete with it's weaknesses and mine is to withdraw too much. When I get to days when I don't want to do this anymore, it makes it really tempting and easy to withdraw and read books or surf the internet all day, or even to just go to a park and talk with Jesus all day! That sounds so good and yet it's laden with false motives because though the Lord values alone time with me, I sense his heart among the people. To withdraw and just pray or meditate, I'm missing an entire part of His heart and presence! I still need alone time with God and the Church, but I cannot avoid the demographic of people which God has called me to! This year, God launched me into some foundational lessons about engaging the enemy in spiritual warfare, something I've always shied away from due to fear and no confidence. During January and February and March, the Lord gave me foundational theological principles in the Scripture during my time with Him and in the last two weeks, He's put me in situations where I've had to apply them and act on them. It hasn't been easy, but the Lord has given me anointing to do so. The foundation of spiritual warfare is faith. The biggest thing that we engage the enemy over is the promises of God in the Scripture. God wants to give them to us, but the enemy wants to steal them from us. The Scripture is clear that all of those promises in the Scripture are for those who are in Christ. If we are in Christ they are our birthright! The saints of old laid hold of these promises through faith and patience (Heb. 6-11-12). There's so much more to this, most of it is posted under "Biblical Insights" at http://nate.rick.googlepages.com . I need to update that section more often-just haven't had time. The Lord has also shown me the importance of holding the reality of not only who I am in Christ but who I am APART from Christ right next to each other. The reality apart from Christ is that I'm wretched and totally depraved. The reality in Christ is that He accepts me like that with none of my own effort to improve myself. The former keeps me humble and in a position to receive. If I lose the "sinner" reality (what I am apart from Christ), I will not receive his power and I'll try to perfect myself by the flesh. If I lose the "saint" reality (who I am in Christ), then I'll just get discouraged and give up. Those two must be held in tension. Embracing that "sinner" reality is what Jesus meant in Matthew 5 about the poor in spirit, or what I've come to call embracing "spiritual poverty", "voluntary weakness" and "voluntary brokeness." When we embrace these realities as Jesus wants us to, there's no room for self-righteousness or the striving of the flesh. We just accept the truth that we're wretched and will always be wretched apart from Christ. We can add nothing to Christ's work in our lives. We just have to accept the truth and allow Christ's Spirit to overcome in all of us. Brokeness and a faith in God's promises stemming from that brokeness which drives us to Christ is not only the foundation of spiritual warfare, but of living the whole Christian life. Granted, I'm using "spiritual warfare" in a very broad sense and not the narrow sense of "binding and loosing" demons. A separate lesson, but one which stems from this is that I've found when I engage in spiritual warfare the way Jesus wants me to, my intimacy with Jesus increases! He's closer to me in my weakness and brokenness than He is when I feel good about myself! I never got that before! I realized the other day when I was trying to pray, but I couldn't focus because I was half-asleep, that Jesus was closer then than He is when I pray in my own strength. My body was asleep but my soul was awake and looking at Jesus and He spoke to me even as I lay there half-asleep. It's so beautiful the way God does things. Lately, God has been laying another form of ministry on my heart apart from just building relationships and doing practical, programmatic things. He's laid on my heart intercession and signs and wonders, especially for a certain mentally ill individual whom I know. God has told me to contend for her healing from a distance in prayer until He tells me what to do next. I'm believing for immediate healings apart from the efforts of even psychiatrists and counselors. Don't get me wrong-I believe in the use of social sciences, and my doctrine does not forbid that. In fact, my first inclination was to get these people hooked up with professionals, but God has specifically laid on my heart to pray for supernatural healings and deliverances. He's given me the faith to do that. He's also been laying Phoenix Park on my heart. I'm surprised I didn't see this before, but there are some real spiritual powers over that park and God has laid on my heart to pray against those. Last summer in Brazil, a girl prophesied over me that when I dance before God it's a form of intercession and so lately God has laid on my heart to worship him in Phoenix Park through dancing (and everywhere else I go too). I must confess that I felt fear to do that before, but today I stepped out on a limb and just went to the lawn and worshipped. People may think I'm mentally retarded, but I must say, with all the broken people down there who do have mental problems I thought maybe they'd understand me better if I wasn't afraid to look foolish before other people. Pray for me that I'll just obey God, not adding or taking anything away from His words, but just plain obedience. He uses the foolish things of the world to confound the wise, and He even uses dancing in His presence to tear down strongholds. Pray for an increase of faith and courage and submission and surrender, because in all honesty, I often have argued with God for YEARS over some of these things which I've been afraid to do and I have to stop and just surrender. His patience has been abounding, but I want to be one who is quick to obey instead of being paralyzed by fear. Lastly, God has spoken to me about a certain individual I've been ministering to and how to help this person. I'm pretty certain it was God and I'm willing to obey even now, but it is a somewhat major shift from what I'm doing right now, so I want wisdom and timing to mark my obedience to this. I just want to do it the right way and get some counsel from others too. Blessed be the Lord! May Your Word go forth and may the gospel of God go forth which is God's power unto salvation for those who believe!

Word on the Street #9

2008-05-24T08:42:00.000-07:00

Some of you are probably wondering how long I plan on doing what I'm doing right now. In fact, many of you do because I've been asked many times. What was going to be a 2 month deal (possibly) has turned out to be longer than that. I think that this will be a summer affair at least. As I've prayed and discerned I've found myself concerned with becoming chronically homeless of apathetic. However, thanks to the encouragement of many and my own relationship with God, I know that this will not happen. I know for sure that I was led into this season by faith and I'll be led out of it by the same. God has always made big life decisions crystal-clear to me and this will be no different. As Psalm 119 states, God's word is a lamp to my FEET and a light to my path. So I know that when I'm in the dark about where I'm going, my feet are being led every step of the way. I can still feel the texture of the straight and narrow path under my feet, even though my lamp only shows me what is immediately in front of me day-by-day and I cannot see a week or month ahead. My life verse which was given to me by the Lord the first time I remember Him ever speaking to me is Isaiah 30:21. "Your ears will hear a word behind you, "This is the way, walk in it," whenever you turn to the right or to the left." I know that God has promised me clear guidance throughout my whole life, even when I mess up and turn off to the right or to the left! This is His ministry and I do not need to fear my own weakness, brokenness, or the thoughts of well-meaning people, or even my perceptions of what people might think! I AM being led of God, hallelujah! A recent example of my feet kind of falling in place was an opportunity offered me at The Lighthouse Ministry. I was offered a weekly Bible study for the guys in the program there since the current facilitator is leaving for 2 months. I sat on this offer for 2 weeks, really trying to get God's will and over-analyzing it! Come to find out, God had put this right in front of me clearly and I allowed fear to keep me from taking the step. And so I am now excited to be leading this weekly Bible study for some guys that have become really good friends. I get to teach them what the Lord's been showing me over the past 5 years and they constantly teach me by their sensitive and zealous hearts to know and please God! What a great deal! I've also had the opportunity to begin driving the church van for guys at the Hope Center, another enjoyable way to serve the homeless and hopefully use that as a way to inform others in my home congregation about their needs. In addition, a couple of days ago during my prayer time, I sense that God deposited some serious ideas in the near future that I want to pray into. Pray for me as I wait on God for these things. One possibility may be a serious discipleship group for the homeless on the streets and I believe the Lord may want me to connect that with getting other people in the body of Christ involved with the homeless. I know that I have to take this in stride because I DO NOT have specifics on this yet nor have I consulted with the appropriate leadership about the logistics, but these are just some burdens that God has laid on my heart. I want to help the body of Christ be in contact with and educated about the needs of those on the streets. I believe God is beginning to show me ways to do that as I continue to get educated. A really neat meeting happened this past Thursday at the Crowne Plaza in Lexington by the Lexington Leadership Foundation. It presented a strategy for the Church in Lexington to reach the city for Christ through covering individual lives in prayer, caring for their practical needs, and sharing the gospel of God with them. A simple, straightforward, and biblical approach. In the coming months I look forward to meeting regularly with other members of the body which I met there who are also burdened for the homeless, poor, broken and vulnerable as we pray and seek to articulate the revelation of God's plan to reach these people. A lot of neat opportunities surfacing, but of first and foremost importance, are the days where I sit and just talk with people. They don't happen enough because I get so wrapped up in all the things I just shared, but this is the greatest need and the thing that I want to mobilize the body in-actually loving and spending ourselves on people that need that kind of compassion. We all need it and Jesus provided it. Freely we have received, freely we MUST give! We must give the same to people that Jesus has given to us! This is the joy of the God-life we've been promised. To walk in anything less is to walk as beggars and not as sons and daughters of the living God. God ADOPTED us through His Son. So must we ADOPT the needy (physically and spiritually) in this world. Let's plead with God for a vision to look outward rather than inward. We have been trained to be egocentric but this is not God's vision. Let's cooperate with God and be His hands and feet on the streets. Programs are good, but let's spend more time actually being on the streets among them. The incarnation was not a program. It was a message of love, rooted in identifying with the brokenness of people. As Paul charges us, bear one another's burdens and share in one another's joys. May we all truly take this message to heart and repent so that we might walk in it.

Crossing Language Barriers

2008-05-21T12:28:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not, the homeless and street culture actually speak a different language, with a different worldview, different way of thinking, and different way of viewing reality and circumstances. I did not realize how hard it is to cross worldviews. It's very hard. It's even hard to engage in small talk sometimes, but I'm slowly learning how to do this and I've also finally found the point of relationship between me and them (there really is no "me" and "them", but that's how I perceive it). I haven't met a lot of people with a biblical way of thinking in the street culture. What's the point of contact? Our carnality is where our paths cross. I seem to quickly note all of the weaknesses of those I want to serve and help and forget that I have those same weaknesses. I can relate to carnality because I am carnal. Addictions is something I have in common with the homeless because I have addictions too. I too must cast myself on the mercy of God. This is where we speak the same language.

I'd say I'm also learning about discernment and the development of fine prophetic sensitivity in me too. If I can be sensitive to the spirit and environment of a place and to the spirit of a person, I will be able to read them in a sense and present the Lord to them with that in mind. They'll begin to see that God really KNOWS them and speaks through me (and through them to me as well).

Side note, the speaking engagement to the junior-high kids I spoke to went well, although I still need more practice. I am learning as I go however, and I look forward to growing more comfortable in front of groups of people. I was told that they'd ask me to speak again next school year, so I hope that works out. I also am now leading a Bible study for guys in the drug rehab program at Lighthouse on Monday mornings. I'm excited about that too.

Word on the Street #8

2008-05-19T10:22:00.000-07:00

Lot's of experiences the past 2 weeks. It's been pretty busy and pretty painful too. I'm not complaining, as much as I'm just seeking to be honest. It came to the place where I wasn't feeling like being out on the streets anymore. I just wanted to stop and didn't see how I could continue doing what I'm doing any longer. I've been coming to terms constantly though with the need for me to go through those feelings and know them. This is how I come to terms with the lifestyle. And this is also how I die off, which needs to happen. The Lord has drilled it into me that this experience is largely one of taking the cross and dying off so that He might be glorified. I'm finding with my time that even as I'm out here, my clear foundation needs to be in the place of prayer. As such, the Lord has asked me to dedicate a half day each week to fasting from everything, but Him. My strength and stamina will be rooted in such times.

I have had numerous opportunities in the past couple weeks. I visited Cane Ridge-a major site near Paris, KY for the Second Great Awakening-with a friend and was able to pray there. I enjoyed some time of fellowship with good church friends which also provided me with some necessary rest. We had meals, watched movies, talked-it was all good times. I also had some interesting ministry opportunities-specifically one which baffled me. I ran into a couple guys one night a couple weeks back, outside the public library when it was raining and I didn't really have anywhere to go. One of them was very different-probably the most emotional and dramatic guy I've ever met. I really didn't know what to do with him. He seemed in one sense to have a great faith, but on the other hand he seemed to suffer from unbelief and a number of other issues, possibly demonic, perhaps mental due to alcoholism. He seemed to be so desperate for God that he was literally crying out-but it didn't seem totally pure. There was a war going on inside of him. After seeming to pray with so much desperation and passion, he grew angery and decided that he didn't even know if anything I was saying was true. I think that after praying he grew disappointed that God hadn't made him feel any different. He was striving in his flesh to fight these battles and thus grew discouraged. He lit up a joint and that's the last I've seen of him. In the process he found out about who I am and that seemed to be a stumbling block to him-he couldn't understand it, thinking I'd succumbed to the devil. I also think I jumped the gun with him in my praying by getting sucked into his emotional drama. Ministry is a fine line to tread and the Lord is teaching me that great care has to be taken because of the intricate nature of the soul's interaction with the spirit. Emotions, truth from the Word, false beliefs, and so on must be sorted through. Root issues must be exposed. Motives must be laid bare. Truth must come to the surface and shine a light to expose all that does not align.

Other than that, I have met with a number of ministry leaders in Lexington and continued serving at the Lighthouse as well as getting refreshed there. I do not have a timeline for my time on the streets, but I think it will be a summer affair now. The Lord is slowly giving me insight on some other short-term goals I have. One is in cooperation with some good friends. We have a prayer-meeting every Sunday night and have been meeting for a year. We believe that the Lord wants us to fully encompass all that the Church is and I think that my time on the streets is informing our understanding of doing church and being the Church. I'm excited about some of the prospects and I'm also excited to be really hammering out a true ecclesiology (the study of the church). I've also taken a respite from the vision document I was working on because it was occupying too much time and I was needing to refocus on actually practicing the reasons for which I'm out here. I will seek to pick it up and finish it soon. I am speaking at a chapel service to junior highers as a local Christian school on Wednesday, the 21st of May. I will be speaking about the adventure of the Christian life and the necessary times of pain and suffering within that life. Please pray for this opportunity and all of those teens I'll minister too. I'm also attending a City-Wide Outreach Strategic Summit on Thursday. I have also begun to drive the Church of the Savior van to pick up guys from the Hope Center. This is a financial request. Each week, we take them out to Subway for lunch following the church service and since there's no budget for this, it comes out of my pocket. Any who could donate, even on a regular basis, would be much appreciated. It doesn't take much more than $30 to feed them each week. If you can donate, just contact me or give me the money. Keep praying for Kevin, the guy with the bad leg. I've had more contact with him than with anyone else in recent weeks. All the other prayer requests go to. Jeremy, my alcoholic friend is still very much on my heart. I also have the opportunity to disciple a guy named Rodney and and another recent convert named Brian. Pray that these opportunities will work out according to the will of God. See my site: http://nate.rick.googlepages.com

Struggling and Suffering

2008-05-14T13:00:00.000-07:00

"1Therefore, since Christ has suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same purpose, because he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin,
2so as to live the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for the lusts of men, but for the will of God." 1 Peter 4:1-2

I am coming to terms with this. I have suffered on psychological, emotional, and physical levels as I've continued to pursue what I'm certain to be the will of God and it's hard. It's hard because I keep thinking that I have to build some really good professional ministry or program that reflects all the academic education I've had (Everything is meaningless, a chasing after the wind). I want to do everything that this world and country defines as success. I want to do everything, but suffer and identify and build relationships with broken people who show me my own broken human state. And I fear. I am afraid that I'm not capable of building earthly success like other people are and so I keep trying to prove myself and my professional ability, when actually I'm not confident at all in my ability to organize and mobilize and initiate good programs. I know this is not true because when God births vision in me, things get done as I go after them. But, I keep getting distracted from the vision that God has birthed in me to simply be homeless and suffer and know what homeless people face.

Thank God for the word I received from Jeff, a man who's involved with Lexington Leadership Foundation. I met with three of those guys today to talk and found great encouragement from all of them. And Jeff helped me see the beauty and necessity in my time of suffering from the psycological effects and emotional effects of displacement (homelessness). I have to come to terms with this again and again. Every week is the same struggle, but I praise God for how it is exercising my faith.

Word on the Street #7 (Weeks 7-8)

2008-05-10T12:20:00.000-07:00

Brothers and Sisters,

I've had a a busy couple of weeks! This is why I did not send an update last week. Besides that, I felt the need to not be so religious with updates, lest I lose focus on my purpose for being out here on the streets. And by the way, I appreciate all accountability in what I'm doing from ya'll.

After spending a good 5-6 weeks feeling aimless and unsure of myself, I've had a very busy 2 week period involving a lot of different divine appointments and opportunities. I've been making an intentional effort to connect with more people who are already doing ministry out here in Lexington. I'm convinced that I need mentors to help me learn some of what street ministry looks like. I've also been helping lead a Bible study every Friday morning at The Lighthouse, I've started getting involved in the 12 step program there (which intersects a lot with the street culture), I've been going through my journal and reviewing what God's been teaching me and trying to organize it and piece it together in the interests of using it to help others after me, whether through a Bible study curriculum, book or whatever. A lot of that organizing is reflected in the Bible Insights section of my site, http://nate.rick.googlepages.com , and also in my blog and journal. Lastly, I've been working on a document which I'll soon post a link to on my site which seeks to accurately articulate the origins of God's word to me to come out here, my specific goals as articulated by God, what I've learned so far, and strategic insights. It will not be complete and will probably need to be added to in the future, but it will reflect where I'm at so far. This also reflects a lot of my journaling in a more organized fashion than it's laid out in my journal.

This weekend, I finally graduate from Asbury! I'm so excited, especially for the extra time to relax and be with my parents. It will be a great weekend.

I wish I could begin to tell all the stories from the past two weeks-there's too many! A book couldn't contain all the great works that God is doing in many lives including my own. I will try and get more journal entries including some of those stories posted though. Look for them and keep checking the site for updates!

Matthew 19:16-30

2008-05-05T08:14:00.000-07:00

Wow! I saw Matthew 19:16-30 (The Rich Young Ruler) in a whole new light today! Actually I saw it in the way people have always explained it to me, but I never could see it the way that they were trying to explain. I realize now why. God never let me see it the way I'm about to explain because He wanted me to take it literally first. So, I sold my possessions, well actually gave most of them. Some remain up in Michigan. Finally, I've seen this passage as it's meant to be seen. Really, this passage is not about the possessions, though it was in this particular man's case as well as in my case. It's about Jesus painting an impossible ethic so that we must trust God for salvation and the ability to do this ethic. This man was too in love with his possessions and if he'd trusted Jesus, he would have been justified before God and He would have been enabled then to believe and obey his commands such as giving up all his possessions. God can do anything! God can even do this for me! It's not always about the possessions. It's not meant to be a legalistic requirement, but rather a test to see if one will leave all to follow Jesus. If one hears preaching about idols in their life and something comes to mind, God may be speaking about that. Anything which keeps us from following Jesus is a possession which has to go. If it's one's material possessions, God may call that one to give up all material possessions.

Some more journal entries, lessons, and insights

2008-05-05T06:43:00.000-07:00

8 April 2008

I'm going to do some things way out of my comfort zone today. I'm going to fast and I'm going to sit all day instead of being busy going from place-to-place. I'm going to practice listening. I ask You to stir up my prophetic anointing. Stir up the Spirit of God in me and my ears to hear. I've heard You interpret the Scripture to me; open my ears to hear You that I might wqalk according to the words I've received and speak Your words into different lives.
Later...
Today's been good. I decided not to work the system today, but to sit, rest, wait and watch. I hadn't even been doing that long before a brother bought me coffee and another brother came by to give me some rice to eat. A. J., the one who gave rice is a prodigy who speaks 6 languages fluently and won the Lexington Chess Championship a few years back. It's so cool to be a subject of love and God's provision, not working the programs which are impersonal and more focused no results than love. Sit back and watch the wonders which God can do.

Word on the Street #5

2008-04-28T17:37:00.001-07:00

Beloved in Christ, You cannot imagine what I went through on Monday night when I came out to Lexington again and had reason to believe that my sleeping spot had been discovered and then I started getting nauseous and began shivering uncontrollably, even with a sweatshirt and wool shirt on. I thought that I was in for a long night of who knew what. I ended up over at a prayer tent on the University of Kentucky campus which was hosting 24-7 prayer for the entire week. I figured I'd pray there as late as I could until I went to sleep and hope that know one would kick me out of there. Praise God, He had better ideas. A friend whom I met one time before at Church of the Savior happened to come into the prayer tent that night and lo and behold, when finding out my issue, invited me to the apartment he's been staying at. For the next day and 2 nights, he took care of me, giving me food, letting me sleep and relax the whole time. Talk about a good samaritan (except he's not samaritan). I caught up on some much-needed rest and I think the flu bout was just God's sign to me that I've been going to hard without enough rest. Many thanks to Kurt! I also owe thanks to friends from Cornerstone International House of Prayer who came out to visit me on Wednesday evening and blessed me first and foremost with their presence and fellowship, but also were kind enough to buy me a meal. I have had good time to recharge this week through these various means and it's appropriate to have a little more easy going week since I'm about halfway through my time. Well, let me clarify. At the end of 2 months (May 17) I think I'm going to take some time off of the streets to re-evaluate and see if I need to move on to some new things or if I need to keep going on the streets for longer. So, I'm halfway through my initial length of time. I've tried to piece together some future goals, but I think that I'm trying to think too far ahead, because I've found it impossible to piece many concrete steps together based on the little bit of information God's given me. It just isn't much. I'm convinced that what many of you have told me is correct. I need to focus mostly on here and now and just immerse myself in this time. Keep praying for the names I've given in previous emails, and especially for one I've mentioned, Kevin, who has an issue in his leg (I can't remember if it's in the right or left). Pray for it's healing and also as I seek ways that we could get the problem corrected. He needs an x-ray first to pinpoint what it is and so I'm looking for possibilities that are offered free to those without insurance, and if that falls through I'll probably fundraise. Blessings in Jesus' name, Nathan Rickardhttp://nate.rick.googlepages.com

Word on the Street #4

2008-04-28T17:35:00.000-07:00

Brothers, Sisters, family, and friends, I'm currently in my 4th week out on these streets and I'm in a stage of monotony. Life seems to be getting monotonous. Imagine how people who've been out here for a couple years feel. I'd imagine they're pretty numb to it now. Either this will make me stronger or really mess me up. I choose the former. I haven't slept in the Hope Center at all this week; I've been outside every night, and last night I was flat out exhausted. I slept without waking once, even on the hard cement and even after I woke up at 6:00 am (my natural alarm clock), I was still quite exhausted. I laid down again on a church porch that smelled like alcohol for another half-hour (I hope I didn't pick up any alcohol scent along the way). Wow, what a week. I've still been enjoying the week though. I have received encouragement from several people and God's provision too. I did an experiment on Tuesday this week and instead of rushing around everywhere I just sat in the park for most of the day. Over the course of the day I had several good conversations, a kid brought me a container of rice to eat, 2 people bought me coffee, and I bought a meal for several friends. It was interesting to watch all of those dynamics. I have been under spiritual attack too, in about everyway I could be, so prayer has been a hallmark this week. I've had times of incredibly strong faith, and times where I have just felt like giving up. I understand the danger missionaries face with burn-out. Not always having a place to go is a big-part of that. Frankly, I do not have a lot of news. Many of the same prayer requests remain. I always love visitors too. I did update my site and blog the past couple days with some insight God gave me into Matthew 25 and also with several journal entries. Forgive the lack of time I didn't put into this email. I'm writing as I'm very tired. I will look forward to seeing many of you this Sunday. Much love,Nathan

Word on the Street #3

2008-04-28T17:34:00.001-07:00

Intercessors, friends, and family, I love you all very much. I've had amazing support from so many of you that I'm quite undeserving of. It's always been hard for me to just receive God's grace without paying back, but I'm learning too. I do pray, however, that I can one day aid many of you as you've aided me, not to pay you back, but just to do what Jesus would do. This week has seen things pretty bright, still hard sometimes (late last week), but lot's of blessings and so much to be thankful for. Provision has abounded for me-I love how God works. Lessons have also abounded. See my blog (manofyahweh.blogspot.com) for some of those and some of my questions. I still struggle with the idea of becoming complacent-something I just hands-down do not want to do. I've had to be pretty patient as I seek to learn what God would have me learn and do what God would have me do. Am I here to zealously evangelize or build deep relationships. Some would say that those two do not need to be mutually exclusive. Am I supposed to stand up on a bench in Phoenix Park when there's a lot of people down there and start preaching the kingdom of God? You can see I've been wrestling and thinking about a lot. Pretty much, I'm open to anything as long as it comes from God and I know it's Him talking and not anybody else. So far, I've sought to just have a humble, teachable spirit and take it easy out here. I'm just living and learning until I know what else to do. Don't get me wrong-I haven't been completely bored out here. I've volunteered at the Lighthouse quite often, I've had some great times of prayer and even ministry, I've heard a few stories from different people about their lives and how they ended up where they are now, I've journaled a lot and I've run into a lot of great Christian programs and fellowships that have been food to my soul (and provided good food for my stomach. I have had a couple of friends come out to visit and encourage me to (Thanks Cris and Joel). Talking with these guys has helped my thoughts to sort out too. Material needs have been provided too. All in all, I'd say it's been a rich experience, even if it's not my preferred way of life. Pray for me as I work on a life vision statement-I have a preliminary one posted, but I need to tweak it some. I also need prayer for receptivity to God and ears to hear that I might gain prophetic vision regarding daily steps and future steps. I truly want wisdom about future decisions, especially that I wouldn't grow complacent in this lifestyle, but would stay hot and on fire, that every step I take would be divinely determined and unto God's plans. Pray for these guys: Art: a friend from the Hope Center who we had to take to the emergency room on Sunday after church and he hasn't been released yet. Pray for his healing and my friendship with him, that I could reach out to him and that God would bring him to faith in Jesus. Pray for my friendships with these people and all of their salvations Mark and Jennifer: healing for Jennifer from asthmaSteve: back healingTomTexasRickMarkDerekAlphonsoClaudeThe various ministries in Lexington: Lighthouse Ministry, Lex. Rescue Mission, etc. for provision, money, the guidance of the Holy SpiritHunter: an atheist friend of mine I'm going to close this out lest it get too long, but see my blog (above) for some of my journal entries and lessons I've been learning. Giving myself to the Gospel,Nathan

Word on the Street #1

2008-04-28T17:32:00.001-07:00

To the body of Christ, Well these past few days on the streets have been hard-mostly emotionally and mentally as I adjust to a whole different perspective-worlds different from my own perspective previously. I spent the first night under an overhang in a parking garage and the past 2 nights in the Hope Center (the only shelter in Lexington for men). They have drug and alcohol rehab there and then they have a service called "General Population" for guys like me that just need a place to sleep. General Population needs to be out during the day and returns at night for supper. It costs like $1 each night, but my first 5 days are free. I've met a lot of people and it can almost be a little overwhelming. It's been an uncomfortable adjustment. Even yesterday, it rained and poured like crazy and I was cooped up in the Hope Center most of the day-it felt like prison from the food to the type of people I was around. It's so different being out here as a homeless man from being out here as a middle-class consumer. God even convicted me as He kindly reminded me that I regard the middle-class lifestyle of comfort as my home, when in reality that is not true. It's not my home anymore than the streets are my home. My home is in Heaven and in the presence of my God. My comfort and pleasure is in Him. And truly, the Lord has been my source of hope the past few days. I haven't been able to have the kind of times with God as I have in the prayer room or when I'm alone with some privacy. I have read the Word a lot and prayed a lot though when it seems like I have nothing else to do. Alone time with the Lord is sort of a commodity now. I'm so thankful though for the refuge that I have had in the Lord because He's certainly present whether I'm alone or with others. That relationship has been such a lifeline. Praise God, I have had the opportunity to minister some to some guys and even to pray for a gentleman with some back problems. There's a couple of guys in wheelchairs at the Hope Center too that I look forward to praying for. A trend I've noticed among a lot of these guys is that they seem to have a mental understanding of doctrine and a feeling of love for God, but they don't know Him in the biblical sense. A couple of the guys I've talked to are pretty negative to-feeling as though they're entitled to something and they're just down on their luck. This is proof to me that they haven't experienced the grace of God for it would make them very grateful for what He has given them and it would convict them of their sin too. In addition, about everybody in there smokes (I'm probably inhaling so much second-hand smoke, lol). I still feel pretty unsure of myself until God assures me that He's guiding my steps and I am not responsible to produce any ministry, but only to trust Him and let His Spirit flow in me. I have some prayer requests. Steve-a guy I met with major alcohol problems, the injured back, and in need of the hope of Jesus in his life. Andrew-a former biology teacher with major alcohol problems Kevin-a guy I know from a local McDonald's who has a bad knee and needs healing That God would bring His manifest presence to these and many other guys that they would be changed from the inside-out beyond just their mental assent to Jesus, that grace would pour out on them for them to see their sin and repent to know full salvation. My mentality, that I won't be affected negatively psychologically by the lifestyle I've adopted (becoming lazy or aimless), but will keep grounded in the Lord, unafraid and focused on Him and the mission He's put before me; that I wouldn't miss opportunities. Also that the Lord would show me how to minister best. I feel very unsure of myself right now, but I know the Lord has placed me. Also that God would assure me of His presence. I've had many tell me that God's with me and I know He is, but I've struggled some with doubt. Opportunities to love and to minister and insight into future steps. Blessings ya'll,Know that I'm safe and doing well,Nathan P.S. I will have the weekend to recharge over Easter as I'll be back in Wilmore with friends and in church too. I'm definitely looking forward to it.

All of Me

2008-04-26T10:39:00.000-07:00

As I continue in my journey out here on the streets, I'm beginning to learn about real dedication and the faith it requires. I'm alive to enjoy and know God and next to fulfill His purposes for my life. What I'm doing really is a full time job where I have to stay totally focused on the mission God has given me and to deviate from it always convicts me. Mine is a life that must have focus to it or it will be wasted on petty pleasures that don't really mean anything. Everything I do must be about knowing and enjoying God first and then loving and serving all who I encounter on the streets. It's not always easy, but I'm finding as I move in faith that God is actually putting His love for people in me. It's quite amazing and I never expected it to work out this way. Radical love awakens spiritual zombies. The biggest way in which I do this is by taking time to know people and give them the time of day. I certainly share tangible stuff too when I can, but it's all unto relationship, love, and inner liberation from sin and selfishness that these people can really know what it is to really live and know God.

Word on the Street #6

2008-04-26T08:11:00.000-07:00

Beloved Friends, Brothers, and Sisters, What a week! I've hardly had time to stop and reflect on it all or write in my journal as much as I've wanted to! It's been a week of a lot of affirmation and blessing from the hand of God. It's begun to illustrate to me the divine placement God has for me for such a time as this. This time has begun to feel like a full time job, which is good, because I've been seeing so many doors of opportunity open and it's kept me moving. My time has been split during this week between time among my prayer base (the body of Christ) and time among the people God's called me to love. On Tuesday, I spent the majority of the day with my friend Kevin. We talked a lot, he took me to see a movie called "The Bucket List" and we talked a lot. He says that the Bible is truth and yet his practical outlook on life is darwinian "survival-of-the-fittest." This kind of philosophy yields a depressing outlook on life where competition is so central. It's easy to see the kind of toll that this lifestyle has taken on Kevin's outlook. Deep down, I know that he longs for purpose and something to show for his life, and he hasn't found that. I know he's looking for hope or else he wouldn't come to me to keep talking about it. He doesn't understand the liberation of being a slave of Christ and submitting your mind and thinking to the Word of God. Keep praying for him and the healing of his leg, which I'm seeking a solution to. We also talked today and he has some beliefs that are really off regarding relationship with God. It's pretty elaborate and I don't want to go into detail, but pray that he would hear the call of God and soften himself. He's choosing to buy into a lot of deception. In addition, all of his stuff other than the clothes on his back was stolen which has made him angry. Thanks to Kathy and Stacy and all at Cornerstone who are helping me to provide him with a backpack of new clothes and other needs. On Wednesday, I was blessed to meet with my mentor for lunch who always manages to shed light and clarity on my mind by the grace of God as well as with Kathy and Stacy from Cornerstone. What good times of fellowship and recharging! On Wednesday I spoke more with my buddy Rick whom I've been building a friendship with. We got into a bit of debate and the Lord gave me a word for him which wasn't exactly easy to deliver, but he took it well when I prefaced it with, "Rick, you've got to know I love you." Pray for Rick to see the self-deception that he's bought into without even knowing it. He's trapped in this cycle of self-justification and needs an encounter with the conviction of God which shows him that he's not ever good enough and needs to come under the mercy of God in Christ. On Thursday, I enjoyed breakfast with a brother who is passionate about the Lord. I was able to be encouraged by his testimony and also to encourage him with my testimony as we shared the passions the Lord had put in our hearts. He also introduced me to Sonshine Ministries and Ann Stephens, from Church of the Savior, who runs this ministry. What an answer to prayer this place was on Thursday! I had been looking for a place to spend time alone with Jesus which I had not been able to do in a few days except in public places and she was glad to oblige. Thursday was a great day of rest and prayer in the Lord's presence as well as ministry. Ms. Stephens put me to work with some clients who became new Christians that day and so I was able to council and pray for one guy and also to help another recommit his life to the Lord. I was also informed about a revival taking place in Lakeland, FL as we speak and am praying about an opportunity to go down there for a few days next week. Thursday night was a blessing also as the Lord allowed me into Ghatti-town for a free pizza buffet and time of sharing testimonies with prayer warriors from the University of Kentucky. What a full day of blessing. Thursday night at the last minute, God provided an apartment for me to stay at with 3 guys. They took good care of me, even though the alcohol was flowing a little too much. They offered me their only bed and insisted on feeding me even though I'd just filled up at the Ghatti-town pizza buffet. One of the guys cooks some pretty mean food and he fed me an amazing burger before I slept that night. The next morning he served me fried biscuit bread with gravy and eggs. It was so cool that these guys were intent on serving me and opening their small place to me. I believe that it was a ministry just to receive their hospitality and enjoy their company. According to Matthew 10, I pronounced peace and blessing over their apartment and prayed for them. I know they want to change their ways and the Lord convicted them even as I was there; they have their struggles; don't we all? Finally, not only have I prayed for guys, but I've been able to meet a lot of practical needs, especially food. About every day, God provides food for me to give out and so everyone's getting used to that-God even provided a literal truck load of Krispy Kreme donuts which I was able to pass out a bunch of and enjoy. It was cool. Just yesterday, a friend, Albert Kalim gave me about 4 platters of about 30 burgers to hand out. Lot's of miraculous provision like that. The Lighthouse has sent me out with supplies and food more than once to hand out. It's good to be the legs on some of these operations. I've always had plenty for myself and plenty to share. I'd like to give public thanks to you all for your support and those who've visited me and helped me practically. You all will be recognized by the Lord for that which you've chosen to do in secret for me and haven't told anyone else about. Bless you all for helping to make possible what I could never do without the body. I hope I haven't left anyone to thank out. A few weeks ago, the Leet family served me in a number of ways. Derek and Anna continue to house me on the weekends as they've done this whole year. I've received good council from leadership at Church of the Savior and Cornerstone International. I have received wisdom from leadership in Communality, a house network I've been involved with some here in Lexington (Thanks Billy, Daniel, Mark, Scott, Leo, Julius, Monty) and many of you have emailed me encouragement (Thanks to David Hull from AHOP and thanks to individuals from West Golden). In short, way too much has been done for me to ever repay, but I hope I'm beginning to bring blessing to people out here the same way that you all have to me. Pray that God would continually humble me and increase my faith (as I've fallen into some sin in the past couple days), pray for Rick and Kevin, and pray for the 3 guys which housed me. One of them, Jeremy, I've spent time with before and he needs continual prayer for the breaking of alcohol addiction. This has been long enough-may God bless you all.

A Look Inside My Journal

2008-04-08T12:37:00.000-07:00

1 April 2008

"I can see the fingerprints of God when I look at you." This is the song which played in my head as I stood outside the Catholic Action Center. I was looking at all the different kinds of people out there; problem was, I didn't act or treat these people as if they had the fingerprints of God all over them. Jesus said in Matthew 25 that whatever one's done for the least of these, he's done to Jesus. I did not see Jesus in these people, but I want to. A friend sent me an email much to the same effect-see Jesus in these people. Often, I don't even have anything to say. I'm trying to think about so many things at once-my relationship with God, quenching my flesh, ministering, serving, loving and seeing all people for what they are: people created in God's image. I've been reminded over and over of the need to stay humble and build relationships. I don't feel very confident. I need to stay prayed up.

2 April 2008

Well, a good friend came down to visit me today and we hung out for about 4 hours. I don't know if he actually wanted to hang out down here that long or not, but it meant a lot to me. We talked about a lot which clarified my thinking, so it was good to talk and get some of those ideas out. One thing which seemed to click in my spirit was the idea of imparting higher vision. It sounds like a good thought (taking into account the aimlessness I've seen among those on the streets), but I don't want to just start another program. I want some real breakthrough which is why praying and fasting are so necessary and I haven't done enough of them. However, get my thinking right, Lord. It's really about loving You and not just doing stuff.

Another friend recommended researching the homeless population in Lex in a journey to help meet some of their practical needs which is a great practical suggestion and yet I'm not sure if it's the route I want to take. I want to act out on vision which You give and not just other men. Would it help me in my journey to accomplish Your goals in Your way? We're all called to meet specific and practical needs of people, and yet how far am I called to go with that? What's my niche of influence in this time?

I was encouraged by a lay preacher at the Rescue Mission yesterday who told me to stay prayed up. It struck a chord as have the words of many others who've told me to be sure and listen to God. If I'm to be Your friend and be entrusted with Your gospel, I'm to show myself trustworthy by setting myself totally apart for the gospel. I heard something really good today at the Lighthouse too. People talk a lot about how hard it is to do the right thing, but it's only hard when we're not submitted to the Holy Spirit. If we'd submit first instead of trying to do things on our own, the devil would flee when we resist him. If we'd submit and do just the next right thing, it wouldn't seem overwhelming. God's law is not a burden! It's our old habits which conflict with it that makes it seem overwhelming.

3 April 2008

Well, thank you Jesus for providing the couch, shower, supper, garbage bag for my stuff, good coffee and a traveling tumbler last night. Those guys were very kind.

So, I was thinking about the guys I've met and why they're in the situations they're in. A few of the factors I've seen include especially drugs/alcohol, attitude/authority issues, mental issues, and probably some others too. But, I need to see Jesus in all the people I meet; they're not test subjects.

4 April 2008

Last night, a buddy and I talked until about 10:30. Thought I think he was sincere it was surprising, because as he talked about the problems of the world he began to cry. He wanted me to look in his eyes so I'd know he was serious and he was trying to justify himself to me too. I think he's under some conviction. We had some prayer time where I think some truth came out. I hope he got it.

I was able to help with a Bible study today at the Lighthouse-it was a good group of people and I really enjoyed going through 1 Samuel with everyone.

5 April 2008

This is a battle-guerilla warfare. I don't want this, but if my God is for me, who can be against me? I know how to have self-control and win this battle. Before, I was being lazy, but I can make it and become strong if I'll apply myself. Scripture calls me to love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. No wonder God was not meeting me before-I wasn't seeking Him with my whole heart, but only half-heartedly. The joy of the Lord over me is my strength. We must fight for each other because our victory is sure. In the context of abundant life, it's ours if we'll wholeheartedly chase after God according to His word. We need to stay violent against our flesh, even when it's hard. We need the fear of Yahweh-worship, awe, understanding and knowledge of who He is. We must submit ourselves totally to Him; instead of looking at our sin, we must passionately pursue God's will and obey.

All of these may have been hard words at one time, but they're not anymore. Victory is at hand for all who believe. When hope, love, and delight in Yahweh and His word come to the helm, the promises don't seem so intimidating.

Today, a youth group from South Carolina led the worship at Lighthouse Ministries and served the food. It was awesome-You certainly dealt with me and humbled me all over again And over the course of the pastor's sermon I had a sort of vision and message come to me. I saw myself preaching a sermon entitled "I'm the One." After the sermon I went and sat among the crowd and proclaimed, "I've not judged you today. The Word of God has preached and judged between us and our motives. Don't point to your neighbor. Is your neighbor responsible for crucifying Jesus? No! I'm the one! My addictions to sex, food, and caffeine have exposed me. So who's going to follow me to the altar?" Good stuff.

You're good, oh God. I love watching Your "fireworks" (See previous blog entry from 26 February 2008, "Firework-watching!") with You as that Newsboys' song, "Wonder" plays through my head. You are showing me to just watch for little displays of Your wonders-places, people, creation-all the cosmos displays Your handiwork. Laws, revelations and yes, wonders will come to light as I wait for You. As my journey continues, I see You continually redefining ME. I give You my life and You give supreme liberation back. You're marrying the fireworks-watching activity with seeing Your handiwork and Jesus in people. One of Your "fireworks"/wonders is Reggie. Your wonders and handiwork abound in the people on the streets.

Prayer Requests

2008-04-08T12:23:00.000-07:00

Jeremy: I've had a lot of contact with Jeremy and he wants change but feels so hopeless that he doesn't think he can get it-figures God's given up on him. I've seen him soften some-pray that would continue

Danny: crack addiction

Steve: depression, alcoholism, back-healing, and needs encounter with Jesus

Tom: authority of Scripture, needs encounter with Jesus

Texas: needs Jesus

Rick: hardened heart, lying to self, needs Jesus, unsure of self right now

Derek: another buddy who needs Jesus

Claude: has shown real interest in God and church-pray for provision to get him connected with a community so that he can grow and give himself totally to the Lord.

The Lighthouse Ministry

Lexington Rescue Mission

The Hope Center: federal program using 12 steps (pretty universalistic material)

Hunter: an atheist friend of mine

Kevin: bad leg (possibly blood clot), cycle of deception, spirit of error

Leo: good guy who knows and loves Jesus, and wants to give up smoking

Richard: humble and wants change, but in alcoholism. Pray that he'll get connected with community to help him overcome alcoholism.

Sydney: alcohol, wants renewed relationship with Jesus, but has some inner conflicts and demons

Anna: asthma, she has a heart for Jesus

Me: sporadic temptation regarding sexual fantasy and masturbation
-prayer as I seek God about leading a weekly Bible study at the Lighthouse
-pray as I work on a document articulating my vision and goals, as I make connections with ministries and people.
-pray for my humility and my ability and willingness to learn
-my faith as I contend and pray for it to increase
-intentional times of relationship, prayer, volunteering and making connections
-the grace of God as I brainstorm how to make my vision and goals practical in day-to-day life

*Praise to God for all of you who have prayed and supported me in many other ways!

SURPRISE! The homeless are PEOPLE.

2008-04-05T07:53:00.000-07:00

That title is only for getting your attention. Seriously though, I came out to the streets believing that I needed to be hardened and cynical like the homeless to guard myself against those which would take advantage of me. I wouldn't say I've been hardened or cynical, just guarded, reserved, and constantly thinking and feeling things out. It's just been amazing to me as I've watched over the past couple days. Two people I've gotten to no have really softened up in front of me and opened up about things that they don't talk to anybody about. It's like they have to put up a front most of the time, but around me they have opened up.

I cannot go into details lest I betray trust, but God's just cool, despite my weaknesses. He's blessed me greatly as I've learned to listen and keep loose fingers on what He's given me. I have been able to bless others and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

I know how it feels (a little bit) to be displaced on the fringes of society instead of integrated with society. I know some how it feels to have no place to rest, no place to lay my head. I'm learning to see the fingerprints of God in everybody I encounter and to do all things as unto the Lord.

As you read my confession the other day, I still encounter the dark sides of my character (I'm tired of it, but not tired enough or I would have eradicated these by now). I just want to be submitted to God and not my own self. I still find high places of rebellion inside me. It keeps me from abundant life. It keeps me from relationship with the God I want to know and be like so badly. But, I ask for the grace of Jesus to come and take away my sin continually that I might walk humbly with my God.

My Confession-I call for accountability

2008-03-31T11:03:00.000-07:00

I'm more addicted to fantasy than I am to real life.
I see this because I desire to passively watch a fantasy world in a movie or novel than I do to fully immerse myself in this life, as it is now, resting in all circumstances regardless of how I feel and receiving the grace of God.

I'm addicted to counterfeit pleasures outside of God. Instead of indulging in the goodness of God and receiving His benefits and blessings, I settle almost every day for counterfeits from sexual ones to gluttony to caffeine to laziness and passivity.

Instead of humility, I've settled for self-pity and a victim mentality.
Instead of contentment, I've settled for indulgence sexually, physically and emotionally.
Instead of loving others, I've settled for patronizing for my own ends and my own glory.
Instead of love toward God, I've settled for doing things for God unto my own ends and my own glory.
Instead of taming my selfish nature into submission to my will and my will in submission to my spirit, and my spirit in submission to the Spirit of God, I've fed the appetites of myself, almost everyday.

I am NOT the person people think I am. I am a hypocrite. Many Christians will chastise me now for being so "hard on myself" and condemning myself, but that's not what I'm doing. I'm just being truthful about my nature. I do not condemn myself because my only hope is the Lord and I intend to lay hold of that hope by receiving His grace and love.

Here's my vision and this is what I want to be held accountable to:

Holiness
I want to be content.
I want to rest only in God and the blessings He gives me.
I want to stop being greedy and indulging my selfish nature.
I want to stop living in a fantasy world (movies and novels) and give myself to the actual life that God's called me to.
I want to fall in love with God and all that God is in love with. I want to love the things His heart loves.
I want to live for His glory and not my own. I am not on the streets for my own glory.
I don't know if this is complete, but it covers some key principles.

Help me. Let me help you. Let's get real and honest and live, truly live.

Groanings of my Spirit

2008-03-31T10:08:00.000-07:00

Turmoil is happening inside me. I cannot disguise it for I would be dishonest if I did. It's hard to contend and hold on to hope and faith. It's hard to believe that God can still be for me in the midst of all this when I see the violent rebellions and uprisings of my selfish nature which I can't seem to quench. I'm supposed to violently be taking the Kingdom of God, but it seems like I do just the opposite. I don't look for pity for I'm totally to blame for not staying in abiding in the Spirit of God. I'm just looking, grappling for answers and wondering if any can offer me any hope of my ever gaining enough resolve to just fall in love with God's way, and see the end of myself. I haven't yet. My motives remain corrupt, even in the midst of the radical steps of obedience I've taken to the Lord.

If I could just fall in love and receive Your love! If I could just totally turn from me toward You! If I just had some hope that one day I would overcome and be totally and only in Your love and service! I want to know God, I really do, but not enough to actually let go and do just that! Would You allow some measure of assurance? I know You are for me and not against me because You love Your creation, but my resolve is utterly weak and decrepit.

You call simply for us to receive and accept Your way. All we must do is believe in all that You've already done. Your way has been established. I don't have to produce anything. All I have to do is totally believe. Vestiges of my heart still doubt and do not believe!

Will my enemy (my selfish nature) swallow me just like the fish that swallowed Jonah? Or will you reach out with a mighty hand and outstretched arm on my behalf and defeat my selfish nature? Would you break my iron grasp and let my selfish nature die? Let love be released. I want to fully and totally love You and all that You love.

Word on the Street #2

2008-03-27T12:40:00.000-07:00

How's this for a good subject line? I think it's quite fitting. You all know that last week was a hard week for me being my first one on the streets. This week has improved one hundred fold simply by merit that I have gotten used to where I am. I'm getting to know people, enjoying being immersed in the culture, and keeping my eyes on Jesus and representing him to these people. God is providing for all of my needs. I have tangibly felt your prayers last week in a way I never did before. This week has seen me more established and settled. People know me now (and I'm getting to know more all the time), they know what I stand for, and I've had the opportunity to minister, pray, and love these people more-something that God is teaching me more to do. A few guys I've met have started calling me "Red" (Gee, I wonder why?). My hair is sort of red, but especially my facial hair is red and so I guess Red is my street name now. I kind of like it, especially since it's my favorite color. I want to have God's heart more than anything-because He loves these people, so do I. I truly want to be able to say that. I've been volunteering some (here and there) at the Lighthouse Mission-a wonderful group of people who love Jesus and have poured out kindness on me, I've joined a recreation and outreach program at a Calvary Baptist Church which gives out sack lunches to the homeless, provides showers (Praise God, because I needed one!), as well as a gym, weight room and game room. They've even offered me access to their media center/library if I need to be alone to pray or I want to study. I've enjoyed listening to a lot of stories since I have so much down time to talk and listen to people. Sometimes I wonder if God doesn't just have me out here to hear some stories, but I know that can't be it. I have hope to offer. The biggest thing I've had to remember is that I have an aim. God drills that into my head over and over and warns me not to get lazy or aimless-it's SO easy to do. I am out here to serve, love, listen, mediate healing and salvation, and learn. Something else I've been thinking about is how I don't want to receive government based charity/social programs. I'm not interested in having tax dollars spent on me; I'm more interested in trusting God to provide my needs and giving the body of Christ the opportunity to be generous. This is something I hadn't really thought about until I got out here and God sort of convicted me some about it.

I've also wrestled with the tension between the theoretical and practical. In school, I dealt with books and theology and beliefs and so now I find myself out here trying to iron out the specifics of my theology so that I know exactly how to communicate to people. I guess there's good in that, but I think the Lord wants me to just reach out in love and prayer to these guys. I even had a stranger tell me last night (without knowing about my ponderings), "It's not about how you think or perceive, it matters who you talk to." That's not always good advice, but in my case, I think it was. It's new territory for me to just sit and listen to someone and I think that it's good to do that. This email is getting long and so I'll jump to prayer requests now. Check out my site listed below though-I will include soon some of what God's shown me in His Word.

I also praise God for this Easter weekend. On Sunday, I was blessed to celebrate Christ's resurrection and remember all the victory which He's brought me into. I have far to go, and yet I'm thankful for all He's done so far. I also was blessed to see many friends and go to an all-night prayer vigil.

1. Mark and Jennifer are a couple I met outside the central library. They talk like they know Jesus, but they think in terms of doing good works and not in receiving God's grace. Jennifer also has asthma, which I prayed for her healing for. Pray for revelation and my opportunities to minister to them.
2. Texas is a guy I've run into a lot. He's really cool and we're hitting it off. Pray for his salvation.
3. Rick is another gentleman I met outside the library. He claims to have put faith in Jesus and I won't be the one to say he hasn't. Prayer for an encounter beyond mental assent-a chronic problem among many of the homeless I've seen. Full surrendur is the name of the game and life transformation.
4. Steve-continued healing for his back, recovery from alcoholism and depression, and salvation in Jesus Christ.
5. Mark-a dude I met and prayed for with emphezema.
6. Derek-a buddy I've been hanging out with a lot. Pray for an encounter with Jesus.
7. Alphonso-I just met and prayed for this guy today. He seems to have a sincere desire for Jesus, but struggles with cutting, suicidal thoughts, and angery rage which takes control of him (possibly demonic?)

Also, pray for my motives out here and that I won't slip into spiritual pride regarding what I'm doing. I pray every day I think that God would actually give me deep-rooted love for these guys because I know that I don't love them like He does and I really want to.

The Life Devoted to Something

2008-03-21T06:24:00.001-07:00

As I've been out here, I've constantly been faced with the temptation toward aimlessness and cop-out. Not only is this a tendency among many homeless who have grown apathetic toward life, but this has been a tendency in my own life as I get distracted and try so many different things that I enjoy. I call it balance when it's actually just selfish distraction. So many homeless downtown here will just go and sip coffee and watch tv for hours at McDonald's and that would be so easy for me to do! Many come to the public library and just read books all day long. That would be so easy for me to do because I love reading and yet God keeps showing me that I have a purpose out here. It's not aimless. I'm embarking on a ministry and vocation and I represent God, Himself. I must be in a constant state of abiding in Christ and receiving His love that I can truly love those which I encounter out here on the streets. As far as I'm concerned, I have no room to do anything which does not pertain toward the purpose of taking care of myself and walking in the vocation God has set before me. Pray for me as I set this challenge before myself and die daily to my flesh nature.

I've also been tempted to think that a good vocation means to make good money and provide for yourself, but this is not true. God is my provider. My vocation is that which God has created for me to focus on and put myself to. It's ok to enjoy many different types of activities, but sooner or later, I'm going to have to point out who my God is and set my hand to the plow without turning back or turning toward other things. I need to be about the business of building relationships, loving people on these streets, praying for these people and abiding in Christ so that I can receive prophetic direction from His Spirit in how to really meet these people's needs deep down. Even results are not my responsibility. My responsibility is to obey and leave the results to the working of God's Spirit among these people.

Update #1 on the Streets

2008-03-20T06:53:00.000-07:00

18 March 2008

I actually slept in a parking garage last night. I've never done anything like that before. I haven't found a place yet where I'm confident to hide my sleeping bag during the day, but I'm learning the ropes, that's for sure. I need wisdom though. These guys (such as Kevin) have head-knowledge and good textbook answers, but I don't think he has a very living faith. I think Leo does. The devil tried cornering me theologically with Kevin and tried to get me to doubt my own authenticity. I need wisdom on how to speak truth boldly. It'd be too easy if I just burned time at the library and so on like a lot of these guys do, but I'm here on spiritual pilgrimmage and ministry. Looks like Keith has left town-that was quick.

This is crazy-I am in the Hope Center as we speak to sleep as a homeless man. I read the Scripture in the library today, talked awhile with people. I especially enjoyed eating at Lighthouse with some godly people as well as at a Methodist potluck with some worship afterwords. I've truly enjoyed the moments of familiarity because this is a huge change.

19 March 2008

It's raining like crazy. I just had a TB skin test done. This has been hard, but it's good. Like I said, it's my dream vocation. I still don't really know my role. I feel unsure of myself. I don't talk a whole lot. This is out of comfort zone. I have no money, though I could if I wanted to. But, I'm good. I'm with a good group of guys, out of the rain, and with a full stomach of food. Help me adjust more. I'm truly blessed.

I feel like I'm in a Jesus situation. In the Gospel of John, "Jesus on his part did not entrust himself to them because he knew all people and needed no one to bear witness about man, for he himself knew what was in man." I don't know who to entrust myself to or what to do with myself, but for my part, I won't fear. Prophetic guidance will come, opportunities will present themselves. They will come. I will trust You.

You know, I'm not comfortable because this is not home, but this exposes some problems in me. The middle-class lifestyle I was born into isn't home either. Heaven is home. So, why am I getting so comfortable here? That is, on earth? I should only be comfortable in the will of God. Bring me brokeness.

I walked through a "hurricane" today to reach Consolidated Baptist for lunch and it was a good lunch; it was worth it. The kind people also dried my clothes for me which were sopping wet though I was wearing a poncho. These are highlights of God's kindness through people. Teach me to humbly receive and give me the faith to give the same way Jesus did. Heaven is my home; I have no other. This is my season for now. I'm not concerned about food; there's plenty of it. I just want to find a place of ministry and do the things Jesus did and is doing. Love, peace, self-sacrifice; all unconditional. I don't have to control my destiny-You do. Teach me to love these guys. I have thought less of them. I have worried about being "stuck" with these homeless. Now I am one and I choose to take great pleasure in doing Your will because You love us. It's ok to covet the alone time with You Father, for Jesus did that too, but He did not neglect the masses or His disciples and I can't either. Help me to know how to engage. Here's to You, Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, my family and friends, and the saints, and my companions, the homeless. Remove all partiality on my part-Your love is unequaled and equal to all.

My Life Vision Statement

2008-03-12T05:35:00.000-07:00

I'm a pilgrim journeying the ancient path (Jer. 6:16) in an honest search for real life. This path is the path which all mankind has sought; eternity with God is its reward and this path's existence is written on the hearts of all people (Eccl. 3:11).

This path represents the ultimate reality and abundant, immortal life that all humankind searches for and God revealed this path in a single God-man, Jesus Christ (1 Jn. 1:1ff, Jn. 1).

By the guidance and power of God's Spirit (Is. 30:21), I put my faith in the man Jesus, by turning continually from the path of self-gratification, worldly lust and ultimately self-destruction and turning to the ancient path (Lk. 14:27,33, Jer. 6:16), by believing, repenting, confessing, and embodying the words and works of Jesus (becoming like Jesus; Heb. 11:1-3,12:2) for He embodies all the words and works of God.

I walk this path only by God's grace and mercy freely offered on the basis of Jesus' pioneering work on my behalf and by the power of God's Spirit inside me (Heb. 12:2), for there is no other name given under Heaven by which people can be saved (Acts 4:12).

This ancient path results in unending and abundant, real life right now (Jn. 10:10, Jer. 6:16). God is the source of this kind of life. This life is rest for my soul (Mt. 11:28-30, Heb. 4) and is supreme liberation and simplicity where my relationship with God is my supreme pleasure (Ps. 87:7, Deut. 6:5).

By living in real life, I'm regularly and gradually being redefined embodying Jesus more everyday and become a conduit of real life from God to the rest of the world.

The proclamation and embodiment of Jesus, substantiated with the miraculous and supernatural, results in the fullness of life for all who adopt this ancient way established by God's hand, the establishment of God's kingdom on earth, and the restoration of all creation.

In this, all the universe will enjoy the supreme pleasure of knowing God.

I live only to know God and bring others into the knowledge of God that they might join me on this path and journey.

If the deeds and works of God don't flow from me, don't believe my message.

This reality is my life-blood and occupation.

Jesus is the only source of real life, I choose to live the real life of simplicity and supreme enjoyment of God and to bring this life to the rest of the cosmos.

Chaotic Waters

2008-02-27T11:50:00.000-08:00

Where is order? Where is organization?
Chaos is king, confusion reigns in each nation.
Thousands of opinions, left and right
Where are the cornerstones of wrong and right?
Chaos has much might.

Where do I turn?
Where do I look?
All paths are dark.
Should I take the ones others took?
"Light" is dark and "dark" is light.
Where is what's right?
The world feasts on opinion.
What one believes is fine.
Chaos has much might.

Our eyes our blind,
Our way is lost,
Is there any right way to be?
Right and wrong
Are lost in the human race;
We must have light to see.
Chaos has much might.

Each new philosophy claims a way out.
In this puzzle, we've added a new piece.
All this confusion is the meat,
The food on which chaos feeds.
Chaos has much might.

Chaos crowds from every direction.
Is there any other way to look?
Above is the path, it's the only way out,
A way that few have booked.
For above is the sky
An endless vastness,
Who would attempt its path?
The few of faith
Who look to the Son
The only real light this world has.

The Anticipation of Immortality

2008-02-27T11:46:00.000-08:00

Life is a gift.
Sometimes that's hard to believe.
I find myself hating this gift
That for a limited time I have received.
But what happens after it expires?
Where do I go then?
For those who've taken him,
There'll be no end.
For those who've taken him,
It's more than it seems.
It's no longer a nightmare,
But the best of dreams.
Eternity will fall to the ground
Like a long-overdue gift.
And when I see Jesus' face,
The dream will shatter;
Only reality will exist.

The Greatest Beauty: Catalyst of Corruption

2008-02-27T11:39:00.000-08:00

Nothing could compare to the autumn-covered vista laying out in large proportions before my marble-sized eyes. Only the great artist of our universe can paint such a physical picture and I feel like I am seeing it from his point of view. I noticed how beautifully the golden leaves frame the valley that grows into the snowy peak. The hundreds of different colored trees remind me that no color is out of the great artist's reach. I long to feel the soft grass and leaves massage my back and the clouds to hold me like a feather bed in this state of tranquility.
The artist's final touch breathes the mortality into this picture framed by the stars. The invisible air around me that brushes all of my skin and the scents that the fresh air carries through me, makes me a part of this reality that's so beautiful and I'm the capstone of it. And when the artist invites me in, this art is destroyed from the inside out.
The soft, mind echo of nothingness is something I'll never take for granted as I go back to the city where pictures like this are destroyed and looming towers hide out view of true beauty and importance.

A Spiritual Journey

2008-02-27T11:35:00.000-08:00

The dark one is observing in glee.
Dark and cold, but burning.
His darkness sends hate throughout me.
Sharp, his talon; scorching his ray.
The grass whithers under his dark, burning spell.
Give grace oh glorious, bright Son.
My stone heart will soften and swell.
The dark one will be overcome.
He continues to push ridicule
Through the hearts of many; the grass.
Black, scarred, sinister
This evil will pass.
The dark one will be overcome
Through much blood and bitter toil.
The glorious Son will shine on,
His millenial kingdom built over this messy soil.

Wonder of Wonders

2008-02-27T11:27:00.000-08:00

Wonder of Wonders

The water lingered on the leaf
As the array of colors reflected and made a rainbow.
The leaf slowly bent as the crystal drop delicately and quietly rolled off.
The tiny drop made its mark
And emitted a microscopic spray.

A climber studied Mount Everest.
In utter, speechless amazement he watched as
The huge boulders and pure, white, powdery snow
Created an avalanche like the erosion of a sand dune.
He stared toward the summit
As it stretched into the sky
Reaching for a cloud.

The spurting tidal wave threw the surfer from his board
To the soft, shallow water.
Another eight foot tidal wave, topped with a whitecap
Like a pie being crowned with whipped cream
Crashed head-on to shore.

All wonders go beyond earth though.
Look at space.
Look at the meticulously designed universe
And at planets regally rewarded with giant rings.

What about the most
Beautiful, majestic, amazing
Omnipresent, Omniscient, Omnipotent
Optimum, Opportune, Panacea
The most deserving of extolment,
The highest of all emperors and kings?
Going through this thesaurus is useless.
I'm trying to describe the first wonder of all time,
Not even of this universe.
Love.
Not l-o-v-e.
Real love.
It's spelled
J-e-s-u-s.

"Firework-Watching!"

2008-02-26T15:13:00.000-08:00

Last night, God had a treat for me. Let me tell you a story first.

Last summer, I was up at the Asbury baseball fields praying with some friends at our weekly Sunday night fellowship and all of a sudden I had an overwhelming impression that God wanted to show us "fireworks." At first I thought He meant literal fireworks, and He may have, but I didn't see any literal ones. Maybe if I'd stayed up there long enough I would have, because we waited until 3 in the morning and I was too tired to stay longer. However, that night God spoke a word through my friend to me about how God wants to give me wisdom and we also saw a sea of fireflies down in the valley where the cross-country trails are! Talk about some natural fireworks.

Last night, for the first time since last summer, God told me to go firework-watching. Honestly, I didn't feel like it because it was cold out and I was tired, but I obeyed because I figured God had something He wanted to show me. Today, He told me what the significance of that time is and told me that He wants me to do it more often. It's His way of playing with me. God showed me that anytime He asks me to go firework-watching, He wants me to go up to the baseball fields and just enjoy Him and hang out with Him doing whatever. He specified to me that it's not time to be serious and ponder hard life questions or theological questions, but just time to chill. He showed me that He has subtle and majestic ways both to show me fireworks. It takes some getting used to, but now that I see its significance, I'm thinking I'm going to really learn how to like it. God's so cool.

Ponderings Between You and Me

2008-02-23T12:11:00.000-08:00

My Father,

I have so many questions perhaps reflecting that I make life too difficult when it really just comes down to living in joy and fear and love before You. I want to strip away all the things I don't know answers too and just live before You in confidence with You and all that is in You, as my sole source of joy. I want to fear You and no other. I want to love You and all that is in You and no other. Teach me to receive Your blessings and enjoy the good things of life that You bring my way. I think sometimes that I have a problem with enjoying Your material blessing. Strip all away that I seek as an end in itself though.

I have so many questions and they're all so introspective and random, perhaps reflecting my mood today. Maybe they aren't even legitimate or worth worrying about. I mean, who stresses about the things I've been stressing about? Here's one thing that I don't know if anyone reading this will understand. It makes sense to my categorical mind. It certainly reflects my "hyper-categorical" mind. I should be more laid-back and unified in my mind and not so "hyper-categorical."

Father, You have been so gracious to teach me the book of 1 John. What an amazing letter in the New Testament. It's one that I used to hate because it always made me feel so sinful and without hope and yet after reading it in its entirety and seeing its context, I see how beautiful a book it is and it's full of hope. Here's the thing: You've given me some cognitive understanding of it. Thing is, I want to "own" this letter of John at a heart-level. I want to walk according to the principles of this letter. I don't know how to really get that except to pray into it and get some practical revelation from You. Would You demonstrate to me what it looks like in the day-to-day for me to live according to the principles of this letter of John? I love the deep cognitive understanding You give me. I feel that You've given me a talent in that kind of thinking and teaching and thus I'm driven to do more research in and about 1 John. I'd love to exegete it. I just want to find the balance between the cognitive knowledge and my practical response of love to You by actually living this book-being a doer of the Word and not just being a hearer. Would You lead me in this, because I don't know what to do.

It seems lately that all I like to do is think and pray. If I'm not praying, I'm reading something or worshipping or walking. If not those, I'm socializing or eating with friends and it seems like I can relate less and less to some of my other friends which enjoy other things. I think of a close friend of mine in the area-I want to connect with him more, but he's much younger and his interests are so different from mine-well at least somewhat. I guess that I place such a premium on my narrow view of the presence of God which I limit strictly to the prayer room, worship music, intercessory prayer, Scripture, and fasting (which are not only legitimate, but very important to engage in regularly) that I don't leave a place for honing talents and enjoyments elsewhere. Frankly, I want the spiritual disciplines to be an even higher priority in my life in terms of regularity, but I also want to worship the Lord through enjoying the things He's given me: my love of reading, thinking, studying, serving, hiking, camping, playing sports and working out and I want to engage in these activities more, though they require money that I don't have just now. I guess I set them on the backburner until later in life when I have the opportunity to pick them up. Could You minister oh God to some of my questions here?

Ultimately, my prayer is simple-Let me find all of my joy in You and don't let me reject any kindness that You bring my way, but don't let me seek anything outside of You either.

Social Justice

2008-02-20T11:54:00.000-08:00

This is an area that is so important and I haven't given much attention to. I mean, I've been focusing on prayer and knowing God in the place of prayer, but you can't know God too long before He brings your attention to the things that break His heart. It can be summed up in this one summary: God's heart is broken that this world will not put its faith in Him-the very thing that Jesus died on the cross for. All the evil in the world is only a consequence of this fact and it helps to put the issues of social justice into their proper perspective. They cannot be divorced from this fact.

However, that does not mean that we can deny the needs to social justice and simply focus on converting everyone, though that's important too. I need to be gripped with the compassion of God in regards to issues like sex-trafficking, genocide, Darfur, the "invisible children" made to do the work of soldiers, and the atrocity of abortion which America has legalized. We are as guilty as the rest of the world in the arena of social justice, for we have eliminated an entire generation of children through abortion.

I pray for the wisdom of God on how to address these many issues and all I know to do for lasting change is to continue preaching and proclaiming the words of God and condemning the evils which our world excuses every day.

Vices

2008-02-16T12:05:00.000-08:00

How does one figure all their vices into what appears to most people to be a godly life? I've seen anointing on my life and God's favor pour down on me, not because I deserve it but because God is faithful even when I'm not. So many people look to me for godly advice and I sincerely seek to know God and be authentic and honest before God.

I have vices though. I don't just slip up sometimes, I actually rebel and do what I want anyway sometimes. I'm addicted to habits and things so bad and all they do is distract my walk with the Lord. I'm stubborn and arrogant often times and I see many places in the Scripture where God used people that were really sinful for His purposes. The fact that God uses you does not make you on right terms with God. That worries me sometimes. I so long to desire more purity and integrity in my walk when no one is looking, but my own self is my worst enemy in this endeavor. An announcement to non-Christians who think that Christians are hypocrites: You're right and I'm one of them. My only hope is that God will convict me and His grace will pour out to such an extent that I'll desire Him more than my vices and my love for Him will overshadow my addictions. I am not satisfied with my current walk which is sometimes apathetic. Pray that I'll want holiness bad enough that my spirit will rise up in strength against my stubborn self which clings to its vices. I have to make some definitive actions and steps to walk in the way I desire to walk.

Shaping History

2008-02-14T16:31:00.000-08:00

I was able to do this very thing in the past two mornings. It is rare that the Spirit of God really enables me to enter into the spirit of prayer and specifically intercession, but the past two mornings at the Asbury House of Prayer at 4:00 am God enabled me to do that very thing and I found myself engaging in a privilege that God gives to all Christians, but few actually engage in! I came there so tired, but after worshipping, the Spirit of God came down and gave me a spirit of intercession. The hour flew by, and I left after my hour still in the spirit of intercession and unable to sleep until about 6 am.

Why don't Christians really pray? Prayer is the medium through which God releases of the power of Heaven onto earth and yet so few Christians really pray! Most don't even have a deep comprehension of what prayer is! I have heard so many misunderstandings about prayer. Prayer may start as conversation with God but it's a whole lot more than sitting on your couch and just spouting your mouth to God about what's on your mind, though it may include some of that.

Prayer is the human spirit engaging with and coming into agreement with the Spirit of God through intimacy. This takes a tremendous amount of time, for only after one knows God, can agreement with God and His heart come into place and once that happens God gives that person authority and power to release the will of Heaven on earth. Prayer is a conversation, yes, but it's in a framework of intimacy. I've had to spend weeks and months just enjoying God's presence and engaging with Him intimately before He'll really reveal His heart to me so that I can really intercede and know something is happening. Usually, I need to intercede from my own mind and knowledge and it just doesn't feel like my spirit is engaged or my prayer is anointed, but lately my spirit has been very engaged and the prayer time has been strongly anointed. I'm beginning to understand my posture in prayer little by little.

Romans 1:18-2:16

2008-02-01T10:18:00.000-08:00

Romans 5:12-21 is pretty important for the second half of Romans 1 as is 1 Corinthians 15:20-24. I'll go to those in a moment, but back to Romans 1 for a minute. Adam and Eve knew God and this passage seems to refer to them and the curse we inherited through them, but they were only the first two among many. I think this passage makes a case for this. We're all guilty of becoming as they were: "futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened" (Romans 1:21, NASB). Wow! There's something very important in this passage which illustrates the point at which we're all guilty; not just Adam and Eve. Paul is talking about "them", plural. They, mankind became foolish in their speculations and their foolish heart (singular) was darkened. "Heart" is singular, meaning all mankind shares the same "heart" of hardness, unrighteousness, pride and suppression of truth. If we all share the same hearty of unrighteousness, we all share in the guilt and wrath of God which results. Taking this into account, this passage doesn't seem as harsh, for it says that all men have suppressed truth. Therefore, the condemnation of those which don't know God through Jesus is just. The Scripture tells us that if we're honest with ourselves, no one is searching for God and thus does not deserve Heaven. The message of the Scriptures is a God that searches out a rebellious mankind. Just as God sought out Adam and Eve in the garden after their sin, so God has sent his church, the body of Christ on earth, to search out the far reaches of humanity on earth to deliver the good news of Jesus Christ, the center and substance of the gospel.
God's "eternal power" and "divine nature" are understood through creation. What does the Scripture say that God requires as a result of this fact? The honor and glorification of the people, that is, that all people honor and glorify God based on His revelation of Himself in nature. If people sought out God on their own as we talked about above, then perhaps Jesus wouldn't be necessary, but the Scripture has already told us that all mankind shares the same heart which suppresses truth. Therefore, it's necessary for God to initiate salvation through Jesus Christ. We repent because of His initiatory kindness. It's because God first loved us that we can return his love. Jesus is God's physical manifestation of this truth. So, instead of honoring God as God based on His self-revelation in creation (ample proof that the visible is the evidence of the invisible), the Scripture says that people slipped into "futile speculation." This may seem hypocritical, but I'm going to ask a speculative question: If people were to honor God instead of speculate foolishly, would they go to Heaven or Hell? God puts this question to rest in Romans 3:11, reinforcing the point made above: "There is none who understands, there is none who seeks for God...". In other words, the situation which the question addresses will never happen because all mankind is rebellious. NOBODY honors God as God. All mankind, with the same heart, suppresses and hardens their hearts, futiley speculating instead of honoring God. We all continue what Adam and Eve only started.
Romans 5:12-21 gives some real insight into why all people suppress truth. God is not blaming us for Adam's sin. Rather, through Adam, sin which begets death entered the world. Sin spread to all men and all sinned, producing death. Verse 13 says, "...sin is not imputed when there is no law." This is great mercy on God's part, but there's one problem. Romans 2:14 already tells us that where the Law does not exist [meaning the Law of Judaism, Mosaic Law], it's known instinctively, written on the heart and so non-Jews are a law unto themselves through their consciences. Romans 5:14 tells us that Adam was a foreshadowing of Jesus, bringing death to all. Through Jesus, justification, grace and righteousness come. 1 Corinthians 15:20-24 basically echoes Romans 5:12-21.
So, why do we have to choose Christ by believing and repenting? Why doesn't His work come to us automatically just as death and sin came to us from Adam apart from our direct choice? Here's the difference: we are as Adam was, albeit cursed and fallen now. We were never like God or Jesus. Romans 1:21 makes it clear that we all share the same heart, even in our individuality. We all rebel, we all continue in sin. We are more connected than we may think. Practically speaking, if Adam hadn't eaten the apple, one of us certainly would have, and even this statement is a misnomer because it excludes Adam from our act of unrighteousness. If we're all unrighteous, the first one to sin had to be the first humans to have lived, Adam and Eve.

The Increase of Christ

2008-01-29T15:06:00.000-08:00

Luke 2:52 "And Jesus kept increasing in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men."

How is this possible? Jesus is God in flesh! He's perfect! What we see here is the most beautiful mystery encapsulated. He gave up all rights to divine prerogative, even divine perfection! Check this out-"And Jesus said to him, 'Why do you call Me good? No one is good except God alone.'" Luke 18:19

Jesus came to show us how to be perfect as humans because He was perfect as a human by the power of the Holy Spirit. Just because He was growing in wisdom and stature before God does not mean He wasn't holy or perfect. He grew in God perfectly. He lived before God perfectly as a man, unhindered by sin and grew unhindered by sin. Jesus Christ is still growing in wisdom and stature before God through His body, the church. Why?

John 14:12 "Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father." Jesus promises greater works here through the church and this takes place as we attain the unity of the faith. Derek Prince says this:

"All the doctrines of the New Testament cetner in the person and wok of Christ [the gospel of God is made known through Jesus; Rom. 1]. The true and full expression of each doctrine is in the person and work of Christ [...]. The chruch is growing up into mature manhood [increasing in wisdom and stature before God and man]. This man, grown to full stature, will be able to represent Christ in all His fullness [in a greater way than Christ Himself did because of the presence of the Holy Spirit in the church; sound like heresy? See Christ's words!]. He will constitute the consummation of God's purposes for the church as Christ's body: that is, the perfect revelation of Christ [as Jesus embodies and reveals the fullness of God in Himself, so is the church to embody and reveal the fullness of Christ in themselves to the world]. Endowed with every grace, every gift, every ministry, this completed church will present to the world a complete Christ." Derek Prince is taking from Ephesians 4:11-13.

Now a BIG CLARIFICATION: I am not implying above that the church IS GREATER than Christ. Christ is the pioneer of our faith and our justification before God, and indeed God Himself! He did what we could not do for ourselves. He's the only perfect human ever to have lived. What I AM saying is that biblically, we will EMBODY the fullness of Christ in the end of the age to such an extent, that greater works than Christ did when He was on earth will proceed from us because of the presence of Christ's Spirit in us. The body can NEVER be greater than the head, but it can be so filled with the fullness of Christ that it embodies Him on earth to a greater extent.

Contending Prayer

2008-01-28T15:58:00.001-08:00

Jacob and Contending Prayer

*Genesis 32:24-32
a. Significance of new name, "Israel", meaning "God strives" or "he who strives with God."
1) Theological implications: Jacob had striven with God and men and prevailed
a) I don't believe that Jacob strove against God, but rather WITH God.
b) In the name is a picture of prayer which the NT will make clearer.
c) Jacob was striving along along with God for what God was "striving" for.
d) Why does God have to strive?
-picture of God's desired cooperative relationship with man
-God desired to give Jacob blessing or else wouldn't have
-God doesn't force anything upon man-man must choose to receive all that God offers
-God striving against Jacob's sinful nature so that He could give blessing
-Jacob striving with God against himself-his own fears and insecurities; Jacob contending with God that he would be receptive to blessing
2) Prayer is a divine mystery-God is sovereign and omnipotent and yet he calls man into cooperation with Him to release things on earth.

*NT Explanation of OT analogy
a. Foundation of Contending-What puts us in proper standing before God to contend before His throne?
1) Identity in Christ-Heb. 6:17-18
a) only "children of the promise" can presume to lay hold of (contend for) God's promises
b) Rom. 8:34 --> Christ is the pioneer intercessor who contends in prayer before the Father and it is His standing before God that gives His that right. Only those in Christ can be heirs of the promises of God and can lay hold of them.
b. Hebrews 6:11-12 --> foundations of faith and patience necessary. No one can contend in prayer without these ingredients in place. The faith is based on one's identity in Christ and patience is simply a fruit of the Spirit of God inside us.
c. Also see: Ps. 27:13 and Heb. 10:23, 35-36
d. All of these verses assure of the absolute certainty of all of God's promises for those which will contend for them (lay hold of them).
e. Encouragement in the midst of contending
1) Heb. 4:16 and 2 Cor. 12:9
2) These 2 Scriptures remind us that contending in our own human strength amounts only to useless striving and contending is only possible from the position of faith. There's no room for faith where one is relying on his own strength. Faith is only possible in it's fullness when one realizes their helplessness resulting in crying out to God.
f. Heb. 4:12 --> the word of God is the source of discernment for us to test our motives; are we striving out of our souls rather than contending in our spirits in confident agreement with God?
*Practical Differences Between Contending and Striving (not technical differences since the words are synonyms)
a. Contending: foundation of love, confidence and belief in God, agreement with God, overcomes the self, comes out of faith in the midst of human weakness, fueled by faith in God for the sure attainment of what's hoped for.
b. Striving: foundation of fear, motivated by pride, self-centered, striving to earn God's favor, strives against God's aid.

It's cooperative contending. God contends on our behalf as we contend in agreement with Him, thus finding His aid and strength in our bodies because we're aligned with His heart and will. God promises in Romans 8 that as we set our minds on spiritual things in Christ, we will find the Spirit in us actually giving strength to our mortal bodies! This is the case of contending in prayer! It's like endless encouragement from God Himself! And, as one comes into perfect agreement with God in unity, the will of God is manifest in earthly reality!

Go to the link below and hear this song!

2007-12-17T17:26:00.000-08:00

The Dream Isaiah Saw

Lions and oxen will sleep in the hay,
Leopards will join with the lambs as they play,
Wolves will be pastured with cows in the glade,
Blood will darken the Earth that God made.
Little child whose bed is straw,
Take new lodgings in my heart.
Bring the dream Isaiah saw:
Life redeemed from fang and claw.
Peace will pervade more than forest and field:
God will transfigure the Violence concealed
Deep in the heart of systems gain,
Ripe for the judgment the Lord will ordain.
Little Child whose bed is straw,
Take new lodgings in my heart.
Bring the dream Isaiah saw:
Justice purifying law.
Nature reordered to match God’s intent,
Nations obeying the call to repent,
All of creation completely restored,
Filled with the knowledge and love of the Lord.
Little child whose bed is straw,
Take new lodgings in my heart.
Bring the dream Isaiah saw:
Knowledge, wisdom, worship awe.

—Thomas H. Troeger
Lantz Professor of Christian Communication
Yale University Divinity School in his book
Borrowed Light: Hymn Texts, Prayers and Poems

Everyone needs to go to this link: http://newmedia.alma.edu/isaiah_loband.html to listen to this song. It's incredible, put to music by Glenn Rudolph. This is the best song I've heard in recent memory.

Walk as Jesus Did

2007-12-17T09:32:00.000-08:00

God gave me some revelation today pertaining to the book of Luke that's really cool. I saw a good deal more of the humanity of Jesus today and the high calling and high view of human beings in God's eyes today.

Luke really illustrates how like Jesus is to us even though he's fully God and fully man, albeit a perfect man. He had to be rooted in the sovereignty of God and his plan just as we have to be. He had to pray and trust the Holy Spirit just as we do. He had to face temptation just like we do. Luke's Gospel notes that Jesus, the perfect man, grew in wisdom and stature just like we all have to do. We all have to grow in wisdom and stature because we aren't complete. Jesus grew in self-awareness and found God's plan for his life just like we have to and walked it out victoriously, setting the stage for the rest of us. Jesus was the pioneer of our faith and now we are called to walk just as he did and does in accomplishing God's purpose. Jesus was subject to the destiny that the Father set in place! And yet Jesus is God! Paradox of paradoxes! I don't get it, but paradoxes are certainly a rule of the nature of spiritual things. In the wisdom of this world, paradoxes make no sense, but one day all will be clear.

American Individualism: A cultural morei or bondage?

2007-11-08T06:28:00.000-08:00

In reading about the development of American pragmatism and the individual of the American individualism, I've come to realize a deep bondage I've been in. Even after many years of walking with God, I still believe that life is all about me. I do not invest any intrinsic value into those around me except to the extent that I grow from them. I'm selfish. Everything of intrinsic value pertains to benefiting me in someway. I am a result of my culture and the American dream instead of my God. I focus on my own growth and relationship with God instead of where God wishes to use me in other's lives. You know, we are not called to become Christian so that we can go to Heaven. We are called to know God and become Christian because this is what God created us for. It's about His fame and glory, not ours. We were created to bring glory to God, not end up in Heaven one day. Granted, He will take us to be with Him one day, but it's primarily about His fame and glory and not our own benefit.

When the Revelation comes Close

2007-10-30T18:59:00.000-07:00

Through Jesus Christ, humans can approach the Almighty God. Before, people could not do this. God is too great, too holy, too powerful. God's very presence would absolutely obliterate people. Through Jesus, people are made holy and justified in the presence of God and so, in Christ, people are told to boldly approach God's throne. Unto what end? People were made to worship God and enjoy God forever. This is the chief purpose of our existence. People are also given authority in the kingdom to bring God's works close to the rest of this dying world that does not know God. My solution is never to feel sorry for myself when I mess up. My responsibility is to receive the price Jesus paid, repent from that sin, and continue in my role on behalf of God's kingdom.

Today I repent of doubt, fear, confusion, neglect of God's Word and God which pretty much adds up to idolatry. I will now continue in that which I was created for.

Narrative Theology and Historical-Grammatical Approach?

2007-10-24T20:51:00.000-07:00

Head-Heart Disconnect

2007-10-14T12:34:00.000-07:00

I never understood this phenomenon of head-heart disconnect that I've heard from several about until today. I know there's more to understand, but here's what I'm understanding. The heart (the center of my being; soul, emotions, volition, mind) can never do the job of my head. It must not take the place or overshadow the role of my head (intellect, imagination). Neither can my head overshadow or take the role of my heart. I have fallen several times into the trap of living for my heart to the neglect of my mind. I know now, that the only danger is getting their roles confused and living in neglect of either one, but each must be in its proper place. The heart is the source of inspiration for God speaks to the heart and the heart relays information to the intellect. The intellect's job is to explicate what the heart is saying. In other words, my job is to execute with my head what God has inspired. This is good news, for life becomes more meaningful when everything that I take time to do derives from inspiration/faith. I am not to replace one with the other or neglect one for the other, but see each work in perfect cooperation with the other. Do all things by faith. Walk by faith and not by sight. Anything which enters the head (intellect) first, must be appropriated for the heart.

"Don't be so heavenly-minded that you don't do any earthly good."

2007-10-14T09:10:00.000-07:00

I have heard this quote so many times, and was not sure how to understand it or subscribe to it. What I've realized is that God has been taking me on a journey the past few years to being fully heavenly-minded because I'm so earthly-minded that I don't have anything redemptive to do the earth any earthly good. I need to be more heavenly-minded. It's not until I'm transformed by the renewing of my mind that I can rightly incarnate like Christ did among those of the world. I need to know God first. If I don't know God, I have nothing to bring the world to do it any earthly good. When God releases me to the world, I must go with the mindset and life attitude that it's not about the "good things" of the world, but it's about meeting humanity where they are that they might be exposed to the glories of God.

A humbling experience

2007-10-07T04:57:00.000-07:00

I think the Master has brought a verse before me which I must carefully consider and I do not know the implications of for next year; it's certainly relevant. A gentleman at the Jessamine Jamboree Prayer Tent brought it to my attention and then John Chrysostom also did-"For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it?" (Lk. 14:28).
In addition, Luke 14:8 says, "When you are invited by someone to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for someone more distinguished than you may have been invited by him...".
Another important verse, and I'll tie them together in a minute: Luke 14:15 "When one of those who were reclining at the table with Him heard this, he said to Him, 'Blessed is everyone who will eat bread in the kingdom of God!'"

Now, how are these connected? Verse 28 above is similar to verse 8, in that both end in ridicule for the one who built and could not complete the building and the one who took the place of honor who was sent back to the lower seat. Just as the one building didn't have enough supplies to finish, so did the one who took the place of honor not have even to distinguish him from the other guests, so he was sent to the lower place-setting. Both of these are tragic circumstances. Verse 15 is the key though! It's the key to not being in a position like that. "Bread" often symbolizes the words of God in Scripture. I believe that this verse is saying, "Blessed are those that choose to receive, believe, and obey the word of God." Eating bread in the kingdom is a matter of will, choice, volition. In Lk. 14:16-24, the man having the dinner represents God and verse 17 is also key. God says, "Come for everything is ready now." All those invited to His table give excuses. In their minds and often in our own, their answer is "later," but the Scripture records from God's perspective.

2007-09-27T13:58:00.001-07:00

I often think outside of myself. What I mean by this is that I leave who I am, that undoubting evangelical Christian who believes that the Bible in its completeness speaks truthfully concerning all reality, and I think outside that. Sometimes, this is not a good thing and not a healthy act for my faith. One who is not Christian would think that this would be a liberating practice for me, and yet it has not proven to be liberating in any sense. I have times where I'll question the doctrine of the Trinity, or once I thought of this idea: there is objective ultimate reality in this universe; so question about that, but our barrier to that reality is semantics and language and communication. Every religion attempts to communicate and put to words the fine doctrines of that reality and every religion is basically trying to the say the same thing, but in different ways. I thought it sounded like a cool-sounding theory, and yet it's not true. To my reasoning and philosophical mind it might sound good, but it's not truth. If it was truth, it would be liberating and yet the only place I've found liberation is in Jesus Christ.

You know, it's simply not true to say that Christianity is not plausible because it's based on blind faith. Every belief system in the world, including atheism must operate on a premise of blind faith. Human reasoning falls short of filling in all the gaps and so every belief system requires a blind leap of faith. Naturalistic science even rests on a premise that must be taken by faith: that reality can be discovered through scientific inquiry assuming the world is indeed based on rational laws. When it comes down to it, no human being really KNOWS, at the most foundational levels, anything.

This is where there is liberation in Jesus Christ. My God recognizes humanity's shortcomings and says to trust Him instead of leaning on our own understanding. OBVIOUSLY. It is our trust in God that fills in those gaps which we cannot possibly come up with a logical conclusion about. This is one of many revelations which points to God.

Really, the question is not, "Does God exist?" To ask that question is to be talking about something other than God and betrays ignorance of who God is. God cannot not exist. It's a logical and objective impossibility because the very definition of God demands God as the ground of all existence. God is that person, that reality which fills in all the places our reasoning cannot reach.

I have more to say, but that's enough for now.

Debrief and the continuing journey

2007-09-24T19:40:00.000-07:00

As a result of this time, God has increased me in fasting and praying. He has given me greater patience and resolve to spend time enjoying His presence and being in His presence. Since returning home, I've just noticed that I'm different and more submissive to the Lord, more in love with the Lord. He certainly shifted some inner realities in me.

I am now on this journey through my final semester. More is going on in life outside of class almost that life within classes. This semester certainly cannot be defined by my school experience like previous semesters could be. God has called me to be involved in a prayer initiative in Wilmore uniting this community in prayer. I've been called to evangelism. And God has shown me what to do after I graduate. He's been speaking to me about living among and ministering to the homeless for 5 years and now is the time to do that. He'll have to pull some miraculous strings to make it happen, but He's in the business of that. That step of faith will lead to my definite calling. I'm called to the nations, to preach the kingdom of God, and demonstrating it with the miraculous to be a part of the revival to come. This is where God is taking me and this is wehre I'll go by His grace.

Day 13, 25 August 2007

2007-09-24T19:19:00.000-07:00

Oh, the possibilities! What could be next? I would love to go to Rio de Janeiro's solemn assembly next year as well as the solemn assemblies in Holland, Paris, and Mozambique. I love the idea which I overheard Stacy Campbell talking about: raising money to get street kids off the streets and educated in churches. It's awesome. So much to think about and take care of.

The conference last night was awesome! A girl gave me a word which pretty much encouraged me to keep dancing despite what people think! I speak boldness and courage over my heart; perfect love for my Father which manifests itself through the dancing I'm called to. I'm called to it. I have been for years.

I also was able to pray for a homosexual whom the Lord is setting free! It's so cool with reference to my past, because this pastor pulled me aside and told me about the man's issue. It was a good time of prayer. The man felt the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit begun a rod which will be brought to completion. Give this man hope that he won't resist. It was cool too, a group of 6 little girls came over and prayed blessing over my life. God has just opened many doors of ministry. this time has been so blest.

We also had the privilege of seeing a special anointing hit the children as they cried out to God in such sincerity!

I received another word tonight: I am .chosen to be part of revival movement to the nations. I got this prophetic word and it again, for about the trillionth time confirms all the other words I've received.

Day 11, 23 August 2007, The Youth Prison

2007-09-24T18:53:00.000-07:00

The youth prison was awesome, but we weren't there nearly long enough. The teens were awesome and very interested in us and where we were from. They were fairly receptive to the Gospel. They are like really talented-experts in origami and they even made us flowers to take away to remember them by and pray for them. I just didn't want to leave. It was powerful time.

Now, for a cool story. I was going to go downtown today to minister to street kids, and see the downtown area, but instead I stayed back at the hotel. I was seriously thinking of going, but instead God sent me Hoberto. He was looking for something to eat and drink, so we went over to the mall to Burger King (I led a homeless guy to Christ at a Burger King in New Zealand too! What is it about Burger King?). God provided me a translator and we talked for an hour or so. He was hungry both physically and spiritually. He talked about wanting freedom from the chains which bind him. So we prayed and he accepted Jesus! He was so grateful; it was such an awesome time. Now I've had an excellent time of quieting myself before God and just listening. It was awesome!

Father, thanks for opening up the doors for me to dance when I worship! I'm obviously supposed to dance and I'm a dancer, but I've resisted for years out of fear. Forgive me and have mercy. Build and stir up love, courage and boldness in me that I might continue to worship You the way You desire at home. Amen?

And now, the current situation. We sit at the conference right now and our speaker has no translator so we're listening to a sermon in Porteuguese. Our speaker has asked us to intercede during the sermon.

Father, anoint this time. Anoint Your words. Anoint Your works, anoint our prayers. Teach us to pray, teach us how to receive and hear. Teach our speaker Your words. Teach us Your works. Speak to us Your prayers. Open up Your word, reveal Your word. Hallelujah! Unite hearts in fear of You, oh God. Let every note of music minister to the growing seeds in our hearts. Rise up in power, oh God! Reveal the absolute truth. Reveal reality to us; Heaven's reality. Enculture us with the culture of Heaven. Allow us to see ourselves as You see us and give us God's eyes for people. Cut like a knife, just now Lord. Build up our spirits by Your
Spirit. More unction, and more gumption! More prayer and fasting! More radical obedience! More godliness, more holiness! More repentance, more fear of God, more assurance of salvation. More realization of salvation, More hunger, oh!

Day 10, 22 August 2007

2007-09-18T16:42:00.000-07:00

Last night was awesome at the church we visited! We did prayer ministry again which is seriously getting addicting. God gave me words for people, and one guy I prayed for prophesied over me! And then, a pastor at the church prophesied over me and you guessed it: nations, signs and wonders! This is the same I've been getting for years. The prophets are all confirming each other as well as my own heart!

Wesley preached again tonight about social justice and it was very exciting to imagine the possibilities if the Church would step up and take responsibility! Wesley basically explained the passion and aim of the organization, "Be a Hero." They aim for social justice and mercy, and global revival.

Some stats given to us and a plan for solving the problem:

33,000 die daily in circumstances of poverty (?)
Needed: Healthcare for pregnant mothers, global partnerships, and schooling
Bill Gates has dedicated half his fortune to problems of poverty.
Warren Buffet gave 38 billion.
God is "blowing on Babylon." God is financing what the Church is already called and capable of doing through the world's finances. If the Church will do the job, the money will get sent to the Church.

God's strategy today:
Signs and Wonders, and social justice and mercy.

Day 9, 21 August 2007, In the Slums!

2007-09-18T16:06:00.000-07:00

In Eliopolis, the south end of Sao Paulo, 120,000 live in the slum. Lot's of poverty in Sao Paulo, and they live in shacks of 22 sq. meters; 16 per shack! Often times, their bathroom is an empty oil can. About 50 families live under the bridge. The spirit of violence is entrenched and prevalent in the family as well as drugs and prostitution. God's favor is coming and pouring out though. The greatest poverty is lack of love and God is countering these realities with His love.

According to Luke 10:25-37, the gospel is to love God and save half-dead guys.

The above excerpt is from the message which Wesley Campbell preached to us in the slum church before we went out to the slum to play with and love on the kids as well as praying over people and blessing their homes. Rodrigo, a local pastor, brought a team from his church as well and they did a drama for all to see in the slums. It truly shook the place as they watched person after person get distracted by the things of this world and then looks of captivation filled their faces when they saw Jesus and they were drawn magnetically to Him. We saw many saved during the drama and several saved and filled with God's Spirit as we went from house to house in the slums.

Here's links to videos taken in the slums:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3114049778978651436&hl=en
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1849224528850031056&hl=en
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5882671364938171610&hl=en

Day 8, 20 August 2007

2007-09-18T15:34:00.000-07:00

Today we went to the beach! I swam in the Atlantic for the first time and it was beautiful! I found out that it's actually a low grade beach for Brazil, but it was so nice! We ate well and went body-surfing at which point I was injured receiving a scrape from the sand on my elbow, shoulder, and head. The wave totally flipped me! I had been having so much fun and I started calling out to God to knock me off my feet, and consequently, He did. So the lifeguards came and applied first aid and I was ok. Then our group prayed for the lifeguards! That was cool, though Estella wisely and frankly said, "You don't have to get slapped by the wave to start conversation!" It was a fun day. The mountains that we drove through to get there were something else as well! We enjoyed walking around and noting the beautiful sights, and we had an excellent meal that night at a beach side restaurant. We prayed for and blessed the restaurant staff too.

An excellent and beautiful winter day of rest in Brazil!

Day 7, 19 August 2007

2007-09-17T12:23:00.000-07:00

We visited a charismatic Catholic church in the slums this evening after an amazing meal this afternoon at the Churrascuria (an all-you-can-eat buffet and carnivore's paradise!). The church's name is Full Redemption. The moment I stepped from the bus in this poor area, I heard booming guitar and saxophone resonating through the streets and the sounds were coming from this Catholic Church! Inside of this plain building were people jumping and dancing in the worship service. It was awesome and yet looks can be deceiving because many demonic manifestations broke out as well including spirits of divinity and others. We had a bit of spiritual warfare that night. It's a church that's situated in a fairly oppressive area and some of the people there dabble in things which they shouldn't. That church, though a wonderful experience, also requires a lot of prayer! Some good things happened too-we prayed over a lady with an STD (I'm unsure of what type) and I believe that she was fully healed! A pain left her when we prayed. God's anointing poured out as ministry was offered by our team that night.

Here's a couple links to videos I took of worship at this church:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4754430946433151834&hl=en

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1974942669043855363&hl=en

Day 6, 18 August 2007, Solemn Assembly

2007-09-17T12:14:00.000-07:00

Three times, God had me do a prophetic act by giving up my seat so that someone on the floor could sit there. Two times, it was received and the last time it wasn't. That's not the point though. Jesus "gave up His seat" so we could have. He made a sacrifice, a free gift. Who will have the courage to receive it?

I say that each time I feel fear about obeying God, I remember the tears I wept tonight for the lost, especially those close to me that don't really KNOW God.

Oh, and by the way-we had an experience after the assembly tonight that I don't want to soon forget. Jason Upton led us in bus songs; it was pretty hilarious and pretty whack.

Day 6, 18 August 2007

2007-09-12T17:09:00.000-07:00

The Brazilians are such beautiful people, not just spiritually, but even physically too! Ministry tonight felt so fulfilling, but it can't be my fulfillment. Still, ministry was so awesome tonight. God filled me with words and prayers for individuals who were visibly touched. I've made so many new friends. What excitement this has been! We've had more healings tonight including broken limbs being healed, bumps and tumors vanishing. So good. We're going to a youth prison next week and I'm excited about that, which reminds me that I need to give Stefano my name and passport number tomorrow.

Here's a video link to this conference:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5376407890252950312&hl=en

Day 5, 17 August 2007, Session with Jason Upton

2007-09-12T16:37:00.000-07:00

"In seeking to be culturally relevant, we've lost our power."

I. Temptation vs. Testing
A. Spirit of Yahweh leads us to be tested and is in charge of testing
B. We live as though devil is omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient and give him more creadance than God!
C. God's Spirit led Jesus to wilderness to be tempted by devil
1. these moments are the only times the devil has access to our lives; any other time is something we've given over to him.
2. Lk. 4:5-6 All kingdoms of the earth delivered over to the devil
3. 4:3 If You're the Son of God
a. Produce something...
b. Jesus already Son of God; didn't have to prove!
c. We are children of God by grace and adoption; no need to prove!
d. Let the word of heaven fill your soul!
e. Resist temptation to prove yourself; Power of God in my life is who I am!
f. The Father creates w/o need of human approval; get rid of fear of man! Don't think that just because everyone likes you, that you're in the will of God.
g. fear of man is the lie that I can preserve myself.
4. Temptation #2-Prove God
a. division in body comes from trying to prove ourselves
b. true faith believes even when it hasn't seen
c.Never use manipulation to prove God! You don't need manipulation! True Christians have the real thing.
d. we're agenda driven rather than driven by the true word of God.
D. Through these Devil shouldn't have loopholes into our services
1. our desires tempted
2. probably could take care of temptation problem if we would allow ourselves to be tested.

Day 4, 16 August 2007

2007-09-08T14:42:00.000-07:00

So, mission trips are all about being on the "mountain-top", right? This time has not been that, except in one way. When I think of a "mountain-top" I think of feeling good emotions. This has not been that way. I've been under such attack and oppression. It's been hard in some ways, but last night I broke through. Overcoming is the word, the thing which shot me up the mountain to the high places. I pushed forward past the negativity by remembering God's love being poured out on me through refining. I'm being refined. That pushed me through the oppression because I realized God was allowing the oppression to happen for the purpose of refining. He's breaking my reliance on my feelings and emotions and seeking to make me lean only on Him. Anyway, it's been powerful. We've been going to the malls and streets and prophesying over people and praying for healings. We've seen many partial healings with confidence that Yahweh will complete them and a few complete healings too. We prayed for a man on crutches whom we believe God is healing. A women with a cast was prayed over by a group and completely healed. A man with cerebral palsy (I think) was prayed for and a hand he couldn't open before was healed. He also was deaf and his ear opened. Many with headaches and pain in their legs were completely healed. A former Muslim who became a Christian was completely healed in both legs. We prayed for a guy to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit. The list goes on and on! I've seen a couple headaches leave after prayer. Thank you Jesus!

A Brazilian girl named Brenda came up to me and wanted to talk to me, but needed a translator. Come to find out, once she found one, she relayed to me that when she saw me, God immediately put me on her heart. She gave me a very encouraging word and we prayed. That night during prayer ministry at the solemn assembly, she took me by the hand and led me over to all her friends to pray over all of them. It was awesome. Every time we finished, she had another person for me to pray for. This happened several nights in a row. She also spent the week after she met me praying for me. God really blessed me through her.

Day 4, 16 August 2007

2007-09-06T16:42:00.000-07:00

I don't know how all this will go together, but it must somehow, or it's speaking to different seasons of life. A guy came up to me tonight and told me he had a word for me, and boy did he deliver a good word! He told me he could see a leadership anointing on me! He told me that I have a gentle way about me and I genuinely want to help people where they're wrong without judging. That's the second time during this mission that I've heard something about leadership anointing. And then he said that he saw a passion and ministry for youth on me. I heard that first from Dulcinea. I've always loved kids and teens, but I never knew I'd have a ministry with them. Lastly, he pointed out a song which he called "my song." He saw this song over me by Brian Johnson-"Where You Go, I'll Go"- and of course I was agreeing whole-heartedly because that's my song. There's so much more, but I'm too tired. I ask for grace to remember tomorrow.

Day 3, 15 August 2007

2007-09-06T16:22:00.000-07:00

In Revelation 3, You command me to overcome. There's no other option. I must overcome and it will only happen according to Psalm 37:17 where Yahweh upholds me. The encouragement is that I'm already on the path of overcoming and I'll continue on it and make it. Yahweh upholds those whose hearts are completely His. Satan speaks defeat over me, but Yahweh, whose word is greater and expressed in the Word, Jesus, says, "Yahweh is salvation!" He speaks salvation and I receive this salvation.

There will be grace abundant, enough to get the job done when I pass from here. In fact, there will be more, because the oppression may be more. Oh Lord, child-like trust! I must be so sensitive to the Holy Spirit. God must be my affection, not food. I must not strive, but be a man of God where I am. There must be grace.

Day 2 Evening session with Dennis Cline

Purpose of being born again is to see Kingdom: Zechariah 4:2
The Body of Christ is coming out of captivity
God calls us to repentance, literally meaning to change the way one thinks
-If we'll respond, God will be the fire in our midst and the glory around us: Zechariah 2
We are to be a dwelling place for God and out of love, obey Him.
Let God change the world, not me.
Visitation (God wooing us) must become habitation (living constantly by the Spirit).

Summary: God is about to come and be the fire in our midst and glory around us so we must change our thinking (repent and be transformed by the renewing of the mind). We are sons and daughters of God, so repent and align your thinking with that truth; that if you are in Christ, you are a son or daughter of God by adoption.